Love and Disloyalty
by Apolena Soleil
Summary: ZellxRinoa! After a dangerous mission, Rinoa thinks Squall has died. What happens when Zell accidentally becomes more to Rinoa than she had ever imagined possible?
1. Prologue

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"Love and Disloyalty"

A/N: This is the former "Love & Betrayal." After two years, I decided that the story wasn't as great as I thought it was and it went through some serious updating and revising to make it a little more realistic. Hopefully, you'll all enjoy it a little better and see it in a different light…the coupling in this story isn't as common as Squall/Rinoa or Seifer/Quistis. So, w/o further adieu…the prologue! J   
  
  
  
I never thought much about the battle against Ultimecia after it ended. I guess like everyone else, I tried to forget it. That was fairly easy, because it seemed that once she disappeared, so did all the monsters that roamed the earth. Unfortunately, not all of them went away.   
  
All of us-Squall, Zell, Quistis, Selphie, Irvine, and myself-were trying to lead as normal a life as we could, but it was difficult. We were all SeeDs now, and most of the time we were out on missions, but basically it was easy stuff, like attending special ceremonies and keeping peace between countries. I actually enjoyed it. I got to be with Squall and the others, and even Zone, Angelo and Watts came along occasionally. It didn't bother me at all.  
  
One day, the six of us were on board the Ragnarok. We were soaring over the Great Salt Lake. I was looking outside and the beautiful land below me, and of all the things I saw, there was something that struck fear in my heart.  
  
A herd of T-Rexaurs, about five, seemed to be causing trouble down below. They scared me because they could easily leave the Lake and bring problems to anyone or anything in their path. They're not the easiest things to kill, either. It took all six of us and a slew of magical spells to bring _one _down. I ran to find the others. On my way, I bumped into Xu.  
  
"Hey, Rinoa. What's bothering you?" she asked me.  
  
"T-Rexaurs! There's a whole bunch of them in the Lake."  
  
"Don't have to tell me twice!" Xu said and ran to the intercom. "WILL COMMANDER SQUALL LEONHART AND HIS FRIENDS PLEASE MEET OUTSIDE THE RAGNAROK ONCE WE BOARD? WE HAVE A PROBLEM!"   
  
I was scared. Last time I was in a fight with one T-Rexaur, I almost got killed. Selphie saved my life though. But this time was going to be different. I made sure I had Shiva equipped and ran to find the others.  
  
When we landed, I was the first outside. Then Headmaster Cid, Xu, and Quistis came out. I walked towards Quistis and gave her the salute, smiling.  
  
"Instructor Trepe," I joked.  
  
"Hello, Rinoa," she said. "The others are going to be out in a minute. I guess she saw the nervousness on my face. "Are you all right?"  
  
"I'll be fine," I said half-heartedly.  
  
"Don't worry. We'll bring these things down. If we don't…" She gulped, then smiled shakily. "Just have to work fast, then, I guess..."  
  
I returned the smile. Normally, this wouldn't be such a big problem. T-Rexaurs are around all the time…but they're loners. The feelings going through everyone were easy to understand.

Suddenly, Squall, Zell, Irvine, and Selphie ran outside. They gave the salute to Cid, then Squall came over and kissed my cheek. "Hey, you don't look good." He said.  
  
"I'm just a little apprehensive about this, I guess," I said softly. "There's something telling me…something bad's gonna happen."  
  
"Rinoa, don't worry," Selphie told me and smiled. "We're gonna kick their butts!" She jumped up in the air.  
  
"I can't help but worry," I said softly.  
  
"Everyone, I'd like to speak," Headmaster Cid said. We hushed up and gave him the salute. He returned it and continued. "As reported, there is a heard of five T-Rexaurs  
by the Great Salt Lake. Supposedly, they broke out of Balamb Garden's training center when we parked here last…. unfortunately, we never knew. Your assignment is to defeat these creatures for not only the Garden, but for this region of the planet as well. If you don't…we will have a slight problem. Remember that they are _extremely_ powerful and you should approach them with respect and extreme caution, or your life may be at risk. Also, last time they were seen they were near a canyon. Be careful of that." He gave us the salute. "Good luck to you all."  
  
As we set out to find these monsters, I assumed my party was Squall and Zell, so I followed them. It wasn't easy though. The terrain was rocky and difficult to maneuver. I wouldn't have expected this to be a lake…no one would have. Fortunately, the others knew this place…I didn't, because I was in a coma or something when we came through here.  
  
"Are….we there….yet?" Zell asked. He wasn't enjoying this one bit.  
  
"Should be," Irvine answered, pointing to the canyon.  
  
"I just wanna kick their sorry T-Rex asses!" Zell yelled, adding a slight bounce in his step as we walked.  
  
Squall sighed. "Relax, Zell."  
  
I was wishing that they would just appear in front of us so we could fight them, but we had to hike a long way. I checked my magic every now and then.  
  
We fought a couple of Lefties, Righties, and Vysages on the way to the canyon, but there was nothing serious to worry about…. until we found the monsters.  
  
When we reached the canyon, the monsters were out of sight. Quistis looked confused. "Aren't they supposed to be here?" she asked, puzzled. She walked up to the side of the cliff…and fell backward about 15 feet. The T-Rexaurs were coming out of the canyon! My jaw dropped and my eyes widened when I saw these beautiful but deadly creatures. I froze, studying their behavior…it didn't seem normal. Squall started to shake my shoulders roughly.  
  
"RINOA! Pay attention!" he yelled at me. I knew he only did it so I wouldn't get hurt early on, so I snapped out of it quick.  
  
"Diamond Dust!" I summoned Shiva. Although the T-Rexaurs were strong against most magic, ice was their weakness. Unfortunately, it didn't halt their onslaught. I couldn't believe it. Usually, Shiva and ice magic was the death of them.   
  
"Runaway Train!" Zell summoned Doomtrain. _That was kinda dumb, _I thought. _That won't do much…but it may petrify one of them. _It petrified one T-Rexaur…that wasn't enough though.   
  
We fought as bravely as we could, but they were tough. They must have been in the wild for a long time, because they knew magical attacks and they were faster than the average T-Rexaur at the training center. Like I said, these weren't normal T-Rexaurs.  
  
"Squall, I don't think we can do this alone!" Quistis yelled as a T-Rexaur tail knocked her down.  
  
"Yeah! Squall, these things are tough!" Irvine said.  
  
That moment, I remembered something I had that no one else did--Angelo!! He could use Invincible Moon and save us!  
  
"Angelo!" I called and whistled. "Angelo?" He didn't show up. I found him cowering behind a boulder. "ANGELO!" I yelled. "Invincible Moon!" He wouldn't come out. As I was trying to call Angelo, I didn't realize that a T-Rexaur was coming up to attack me.  
  
"RINOA!!!!" Squall screamed, but he was too late.  
  
"RRRRRRRRRRAWWWWWWORRRRRRRR!!!"  
  
The T-Rexaur knocked me out. I went flying….flying over the cliff. The world around me was a blur. I screamed at the top of my lungs and tried to grasp onto anything. I found a rocky part of the cliff to grab on, and I screamed and screamed.  
  
"Rinoa! Rinoa!" I heard Squall yelling over the roars of the monsters.  
  
"Squall! Where are you!" I yelled. I was too far over the side to see anything that was going on.  
  
"Right here," he said softly and leaned over the edge. His hand was as far over as it could go. I saw a glint of frustration fly across his usual cool exterior. "Rinoa…I can't reach you…" Squall inched over a little bit more, but I was still so far…  
  
I started to cry. "No…please Squall."  
  
Just as I gave up hope, I saw Selphie lean over the side! "Here Squall," she said, handing him her nunchakus. "Get her up quick!"  
  
Squall leaned over again and lowered the nunchakus down for me…but I couldn't grab it. I was afraid that if I let go of the wall I would fall. _I…I can't….what if I fall? My legs are just hanging….I'm gonna die…  
  
_"I'm afraid Squall…" I whimpered. "I can't let go."  
  
Squall shook his head. "Rinoa, you're stronger than this. Grab on!" I saw the fear in his eyes….the fear was for…me. Squall loved me. His eyes gave me strength.   
  
I summoned all my courage, and I grabbed the nunchakus. Squall's eyes were watering up…he loved me! It seemed like forever for him to pull me up, but when I finally came over the side, he wrapped me in his arms so tight I never wanted to let go. I was crying, he was crying…and for some reason, Zell was right there. His eyes were round and in awe of us.  
  
I looked over at him, then looked up at Squall. He said the most painful words I ever heard.  
  
"Rin…you have to go with Zell. We're going to stay here and finish them off."  
  
My heart shattered into a trillion pieces. "NO! I'm not leaving your side, Squall."  
  
"You have to!" He yelled. "You could get killed!"  
  
"So could you. You're not invincible! I'm not going anywhere."  
  
"YOU HAVE TO!" he screamed at me, then he changed his tone. His eyes were filled with terror, and it scared me. "Please….Rinoa. I don't want you to….please, go. Zell will take care of you."  
  
I started to run away with Zell. Angelo saw us too, and he trotted to reach us. Squall stopped me one more time before I was out of his grasp. "Rinoa…I love you."  
  
I wanted to tell him I loved him too, but it would be too risky. Zell grabbed my wrist and led me away…away from my friends…Squall. I started to cry. 

__

Squall…Irvine…Quistis…Selphie…they can't die. No, they can't. Then…Zell and I would be alone….NO!  
  
By the time we reached the Ragnarok, I was sobbing and I could barely stand. My sides ached…needless to say, so did my heart. Zell had to urge me on a few times, because I couldn't go on. It was too painful…it wasn't fair.   
  
"Rinoa…don't worry about Squall and the others," Zell said. "He's tough…they're probably kickin their butts…" When he saw that I couldn't be consoled, he did the only thing he could do--I felt his arms around me and he squeezed me tightly. It was so unlike Squall's…comforting, but…. I didn't want it. I broke away from him and ran into the Ragnarok.  
  
In my confusion, I ran into Xu and almost knocked her over. She looked at me with so much concern. She wiped tears from my eyes for me.  
  
"Rinoa, what's wrong?" she asked me softly.  
  
"E-e-everything," I sobbed. "Squ-Squ-Squall…." I couldn't say anymore. Xu seemed to understand and brought me to my little room on board the Ragnarok. She sat me down and gave me a friendly hug. "Rinoa…please, don't worry about--"  
  
"NO! I yelled at her. "I'm not gonna stop worrying!! Squall…and the others are out fighting and…it scares me. I can't help but worry….I-I love Squall. He can't…."  
  
She understood what I was saying. "I'm sorry Rinoa…tell you the truth, I'm worried about them, too. But…Squall is the best damn Commander we could ask for. I know he's going to be OK. I have to go…Rinoa, I'll be back in a few." I was suddenly all alone in a tiny room where nothing felt safe.  
  


I curled in a ball on my bed and cried my eyes out. _Squall…_ I thought, _You have to stay with me…. you told me you loved me…you'd never leave me…don't leave me here…alone…now. I…I love you…I need you here by me….to tell me everything will be alright…don't leave me.  
  
_Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" I asked coldly.   
  
"Um…it's me, Zell."  
  
I let him in, and he sat on my bed. His eyes were glued to the floor. I assumed that he was embarrassed about before, but there really was no reason for him to be. His face was kind of flushed, and he wasn't looking like his normal self.  
  
"Are you gonna be all right?" He asked me softly, without taking his eyes off the floor.  
  
"Yeah…once I know the others will be OK."  
  
He was silent for a while. "It would suck if we were the only ones left…" He said. Awkwardly, he tried to look up at me, but glanced back down.  
  
I sat on the bed by him. "Yeah, it would…suck…"  
  
Zell looked up at me and smiled a little. "He really loves you, ya know. I can see it." He brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes for me, then blushed a little. Then he glued his eyes to the floor again._ Suppose he's not comfortable with girls, _I thought.  
  
"Zell, are you…all right?" I asked him. Normally, he wasn't like this around me.  
  
"Uh-huh. Just…you know…"  
  
"Are you embarrassed about…before?"  
  
"A little." He said softly.  
  
"Don't be…it was just a friendly thing…you know.."  
  
He looked up and smiled. I could tell he was relieved. "Oh…cuz by the way you ran I thought that you thought I was making a pass at you…which I _wasn't_ doing….I'd never do that…you know me…"  
  
"Yeah…you're no Irvine, I'll tell you that." I laughed a little. He looked at me, and I stared into his eyes…they weren't like Squall's…they had more…depth. More trust. "I feel a lot better. Thanks."

"No problem, Rin." Zell nodded. "It's the least I could do." I could tell that he was about to get up and go, so I stood up and was going to open the door for him. He stood too, but before anything happened, he smiled shyly and hugged me again. "Don't cry, all right?"

"Sure." There was nothing more comforting than Zell's hugs. This time, however, I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him draw me a little closer. _Rinoa, what are you doing? _I thought. _This is more than a friendly hug, isn't it? Yeah…it is…but I like it. It's……different…Squall was never like this… Ah, don't worry Rinoa. It's a harmless hug with a good friend…Zell. Only friends, _nothing_ more. No harm done.  
  
_We broke the hug just as there was a knock on the door. Still holding onto Zell's hand, I opened the door with the other. Xu was standing there, her face tear-stained. I looked her in the eyes, puzzled.  
  
"Xu, what's wrong?" I asked.  
  
"The others returned." She said softly. A smile escaped from my face, and Zell jumped up in the air.  
  
"Then why are you crying?" I asked her, a hint of exuberance in my voice..  
  
"Well…" She didn't have time to answer. I was running down the corridor, Zell right behind me. When I saw Selphie, Irvine and Quistis at the end of the hall, I laughed, relieved to see my friends. 

I couldn't see Squall, but I was sure he was there. I was going to jump in his arms and kiss him and never let go, even if someone threatened me with a crow bar. 

But…when we reached the others, they didn't look as happy as I felt. Once Quistis looked at me, she buried her face in her hands and left the room. Selphie was gasping for breath between sobs, and tears fell from her eyes. Irvine couldn't look me in the eye. He took his hat off and bowed his head. 

I suddenly felt as if someone punched me in the stomach, and I lost any feeling that I had. A disbelieving laugh escaped from my lips as I looked over each one of my friends. _  
  
_"Guys…where's Squall?" 

As soon as the words left my lips, Selphie wailed. Irvine walked over to me and shook his head. His eyes were so sorrowful. No one needed to say anything, because I already knew the answer. I looked back at Zell, whose jaw dropped in disbelief.

Suddenly, my whole entire world went numb. I felt myself fall to the floor, like a sack. The tears just came and flowed freely, and there was nothing I could do to stop any of it. Zell and Irvine both fell to their knees and tried to say things that would make Squall's death easier to bear, but to this day I don't remember a word they said. I simply sat there and wept loudly…

The only thing that would've made me feel better was for Squall to just walk right in the door. He would take me in his arms and say, "Rinoa, I love you. I'm here, don't worry anymore."

But that was just too good to be true.  



	2. A Kiss Between Friends

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"Love And Disloyalty"  
  


CHAPTER ONE  
  
  
It was a day since Squall had died. Twenty four hours since my life was taken away from me. Everyone basically had kept to themselves since I flipped out (respectively) in the Ragnarok. I guess it was too painful to share with each other or something, because the minute we got back to Garden, we didn't even say good-bye…just went to our rooms. I went inside and cried into my pillow. _This can't be real. _I thought silently. I was still in shock.  
  
There was a soft knock on my door. "Rinoa? It's Quistis."  
  
She let herself in and sat on my bed. Her cheeks were streaked with tears. I looked at her once, then put my head back in the pillow. I didn't want pity. Pity wouldn't bring Squall back.  
"Are you gonna be all right?" She asked me. "How are you now?"  
  
"Bad…." I answered. "Really…bad…"  
  
Quistis walked to my radio. "Maybe some music will cheer you up a bit."  
  
_My last night here with you?  
  
Maybe yes, maybe no…  
  
_**When she realized what song that was, she immediately shut the radio off. She knew…"Eyes On Me" was…our song. "Oh, sweet Hyne," she said when she saw me crying, "I'm so so sorry…"   
  
I sat up on my bed. "No, I'm alright." I sighed. "Just…completely confused. This time yesterday morning, Squall was here. Now….." Quistis sat next to me. "It's just so…funny…how someone can be here one day and gone the next…you know what I'm saying?"  
  
"Yes, I understand," She said to me. **

"It's funny, you know? I feel like this is some huge dream…and I'm gonna wake up in a few minutes, right next to Squall. Guess this is shock…"

Quistis got up and walked towards the door. "Rin, I'm going to leave you alone, but I'll be back, OK? I have some stuff I have to take care of." I nodded, and she walked out. I could hear her talking to someone, but I didn't care. I fell back in my pillow and began to cry again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey, Rinoa! Wake up, girl!"  
  
"Huh? Wha…." I sat up groggily, only to find Irvine sitting next to me, concern painted on his face. "How'd you get in here?" I asked him.  
  
"Your door was unlocked. I wanted to see how you were….cuz ya missed dinner…usually you always come down, even if you don't eat."  
  
I dangled my feet over the side of my bed. "Well…I was just…exhausted…and, you know…I just miss Squall…"  
  
"Well, that doesn't mean you don't eat. C'mon, Kiddo."  
  
_"Kiddo?"  
  
_Irvine took my hand and led me to the cafeteria. The walk there seemed like a death march. Honestly, I didn't want to be in there, but I wasn't going to complain. If I could see my friends then maybe I could take my mind off Squall a little. On the way, a lot of underclassmen and SeeDs expressed their gratitude to me. I thanked them, of course, but I hate pity, so it didn't make me feel any better.  
  
There wasn't anyone in the cafeteria except for Zell, Selphie, Xu, Quistis, Irvine and myself. I didn't feel like eating so I just sat down. _Now I know this is for real…_I thought sadly. _Zell isn't even touching his hot dogs…  
  
_Everyone sat in complete silence. Jokingly, Irvine found a pin and dropped it just to express the lack of noise. I couldn't take it…it was too much. I got up and walked to the door.  
  
"Where are you goin, Rinoa?" Selphie asked me.  
  
"I need to be alone."  
  
I just walked around Balamb Garden until I found the Training Center. _The _Secret_ Area…_I thought to myself. For some reason, there were no monsters in sight, which was a really odd change of pace. I took advantage of it and ran to the 'secret' area.  
  
There was no one in there, which was also surprising. Usually there's always at least one couple making out or something (kind of a given, you know). So, I just leaned over the edge and looked at the Garden. It was beautiful. The wind was blowing quite hard, and my hair was whipping around my face. There were soft footsteps behind me, but I didn't take notice of them until I heard the person fall down.  
  
"Owww!"  
  
I spun around and saw Zell sitting there, cradling his knee. When he saw me looking at him, he looked embarrassed. "What are you doing here?" I asked him softly, sitting down next to him.  
  
He looked at me, then looked down at his knee. "Well…I dunno…just, to see you, I guess…how are you holding up?"  
  
"Fine." I stood up and walked towards the edge again. Zell limped over and stood next to me. "How's your knee?"  
  
"Aiight. I can't believe I tripped over my own two feet." He laughed at himself. "Damn." Then he looked up at the Garden. "Have you an' Squall ever been here…?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah. But just for talking and stuff. Not…"  
  
"Making out?" We both laughed. "Nah, I can't imagine Squall doin that."  
  
"No, Squall was never, ever like that. He was always such a sweetheart when it came to us…" I looked down sadly. "You'd be surprised. Oh, Hyne…I miss him."  
  
Zell put an arm around my shoulders. "Rinoa…even if he's not here now, like, physically…he's always in your mind and heart."  
  
I took his arm away. "Thanks, Zell…for explaining that in your own, special way."  
  
"No problem. Now, we gotta get back." Zell started to limp away.  
  
"Hold on Zell!" I ran up to him, and took his hand so he wouldn't fall. "There you go."  
  
So Zell and I walked back to the cafeteria to meet the others. And…for the first time in a day, even though Zell was injured…I felt safe.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Where were you two?" Irvine asked us suspiciously when we got to the cafeteria.  
  
I shook my head. "Nothing, I was just hanging out and Zell found me…we talked for a bit." I looked at Zell. "Right?"  
  
"Yup." He sat down and rubbed his hands together. "Aiight…so I know how tough this is on everyone. I thought that everyone might like a day away from all this craziness. So…I would like to invite everyone to my house in Balamb to spend the night. Whaddya say?"  
  
Quistis shook her head. "Sorry, Zell, but Xu and I have a ton of paperwork to do for Cid." She got up and left the cafeteria. Xu smiled and followed her.  
  
"We could!" Selphie said, smiling. It could help us take our mind offa things…maybe."  
  
"I'm with Sephie." Irvine said. "Whatabout you, Kiddo?"   
  
"Um…I'm Kiddo, right? I guess I could use it…"  
  
Zell smiled! "Well, it's set! Meet me at the Parking Lot!" Then he ran off.  
  
I got up. "Better get ready. This'll be a nice change of scenery, I guess."  
  
Selphie and Irvine followed me. "You know…Rinoa," Selphie began, "Zell looked like he _really_ wanted you to come."   
  
I blushed. "I wouldn't think anything of it, Selphie. I don't care about…Zell…_like _liking me, you know? I'm still trying to get used to the fact that the only man I ever loved..."  
  
She looked down. "I know…he was like my brother…I miss him so much."

"And even if that were true, how much would happen?" I asked. Selphie smiled and shrugged.  


We walked the rest of the way in silence. _Zell…me? Selphie comes up with the most absurd ideas, doesn't she? _I thought. _I'm not saying it can't happen, but there's a next to nothing chance that I would get together with him. Especially since….Squall is dead…Hyne, I miss him…  
  
_When we came to the dormitory we went our separate ways. I walked   
into my room….it was so empty. I tried not to think about it and I went to my dresser to get my overnight bag and some clothes. Just as I opened the drawer, I looked at a picture sitting on the top. It was Squall and I…one of the few times he was smiling and having a good time. A tear rolled down my cheek as I picked it up and kissed his picture. Then, I put it down and took out my baby blue nightgown, my hairbrush, toothbrush, and an extra change of clothes. I got all finished up just as Selphie knocked on my door.  
  
"C'mon Rinoa!" She yelled through my door. "We gotta go!"  
  
I picked up my bag and opened it. Selphie was waiting impatiently. When she saw me she smiled, and we walked down the hall.  
  
"Are we going to wait for Irvine?" I asked her.  
  
Selphie shook her head. "He's with Zell…it's gonna be nice to get out for a little, right?"  
  
"Yeah…too many memories here."   
  
"Uh-huh….I know what you mean……hey Rinoa, do you think I'm being a little….well, insensitive?"  
  
"Why would you think of such a thing?"  
  
"Cause….I mean, when Squall died…I was sad. I cried…for the whole day and night. But now, I'm…myself. I feel guilty that I'm not crying…"  
  
I put my hand on her shoulder. "Don't feel guilty. I mean, you can only cry so much. I guess as long as you keep him in your heart…Selph, he doesn't want anyone crying for him."   
  
When we got to the parking lot, Zell and Irvine were waiting in the car. The Garden gave us a really nice one for a change. Selphie and I piled our stuff in, got in, and we started to roll. The minute we got outside, though, it was pouring rain. The skies were still blue, but the clouds were gray. I assumed they were sunshowers and waited till we got to Balamb.  
  
All the people in Balamb got word of Squall's death, too. In fact, it was widespread in this region. He was well respected…he saved us. Now, so many people went into mourning over him…especially Zell's mother.  
  
"OH! Rinoa!" Mrs. Dincht said when she saw me. She ran up to me and gave me a big hug. "I'm so sorry about your loss, dear. Squall was always close to our family…like my son. You can stay here whenever you like…Zell and I will take care of you. Right, Zell?"  
  
"Maaaa!" Zell blushed. I giggled at him. He kind of shrugged it off and pointed upstairs. "Well, my room is pretty big. We can all stay in there, if ya don't mind…"  
  
"I don't."  
  
"All right with me."  
  
"OK…whatever."  
  
"All right!" Zell said. "Follow me."  
  
Zell's room wasn't as sacred as he said it was. There was a bed in the corner under a window, a bookcase, a desk, punching bag, and the occasional magazine on the floor. Selphie, for some reason, started to crack up.  
  
"THIS is what you were hiding from us??" She giggled hysterically.  
  
Zell ignored her. "You can put your stuff down if you want. Don't have to worry about beds and stuff…my mom has some of those air mattresses and lotsa blankets and pillows. Wanna help me get em Irvine?"  
  
"Alright." Irvine followed Zell downstairs.  
  
I looked around Zell's room for a little, and then I sat at his desk. There wasn't anything wonderful in there…a broken pencil, a journal, some triple triad cards. I picked up the journal and saw some poems in it. "Hey, look," I said to Selphie.  
  
She peered over my shoulder at them. "Read one!" she said.  
  
"All right." I found one called 'Angel.' "Ooo, here…

My sweet angel, though we're worlds apart,  
You'll always remain, here in my heart….." I read the rest in my mind. "Not bad for Zell."   
  
When Zell and Irvine walked in, they saw us reading the poems. Zell turned bright red. "HEYYYY!" He yelled and took them from us. "This is one of the _many_ things that makes this room sacred."  
  
"Really?" Selphie asked.  
  
As they started some friendly arguing, I tried to sneak out of the room. Irvine stopped me. "Where ya goin?" He asked me.  
  
"Downstairs…" I lied to him. Really, I was gonna leave and just walk. I still needed to think about Squall. My mind was swirling.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I found myself walking around Balamb. The rain seemed to be pouring even harder around here, 

And the sky was much more overcast, but it didn't stop me. When I did stop, I was near a bench facing the sea, so that's where I sat. _Oh Squall…I love you. I wish I told you…but now, you're gone. Are you out there now? Can you hear and see me fall apart without you?? Oh…I feel so…guilty. If you didn't send me away then I could've died with you. I wouldn't have to feel this sadness…it hurts too much.   
  
_"This is what I'll do, Squall." I said to no one. "I'll be with you, forever." I walked towards the end of the street. All that was below me was rough waves that could and would kill me. They would sweep me up and pull me under. Great. "Just one little jump and I can end it." I whispered. "Then I won't have to worry about all of this…" The wind picked up and I glanced over the edge…  
  
"Rinoa!! The _hell_ are you doing?!"  
  
I whirled around. Zell…_again_… was standing there. He was just as soaked as I was…his normally spiked hair was flat. There was fear etched on his face…he must have been watching for a while. He ran towards me and grabbed my shoulders.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" He asked me. "What's wrong?"  
  
I started to cry, although at first I couldn't tell because the rainwater was washing my tears away. "Leave me alone, Zell! This is what I have to do! I _have_ to be with Squall!!"  
  
Zell grabbed my shoulders. "Rinoa! This isn't the answer!" He yelled at me. "_I_ need….I mean, _people_ need you…it's bad enough Squall is gone, but I don't wanna hafta add another person to the death list!" He grabbed me and sat me on the bench, then sat next to me. "It's a crazy thing…what you were about to do…is that what you really wanted?"  
  
"I-I…I dunno what I want anymore."   
  
He brushed some wet black hair off my face. "Really, I don't think that's what you wanted." Zell looked at me. "You're shivering, Rinoa. We should leave. My 'do's gettin messed up, too…" He offered his hand to me. "There ya go."  
  
"Zell…" I began softly. He looked at me. "Thank you, again, for keeping an eye on me all this time….I owe you. You saved my life." I made him blush a really deep red.   
  
"Awwww…..it was nuttin, Rinoa. Don't think anything of it." He put his arm around my shoulder, and that's how we walked home. _…just as friends.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
_When Zell and I walked in, he immediately slid his arm from around my shoulders. Everyone was glued to the TV. "What's up?" He asked his mother.   
  
"Look," Mrs. Dincht said, and pointed to the TV.  
  
_"Yesterday at 6:38 PM, Commander Squall Leonhart of Balamb Garden SeeD was presumed dead. He fought bravely with his friends and comrades, Zell Dincht, Balamb Garden SeeD member, Irvine Kinneas of Galbadia Garden SeeD, Instructor Quistis Trepe of Balamb Garden, Selphie Tilmitt, Balamb Garden SeeD member, and his girlfriend, Ms. Rinoa Heartilly, leader of the Forest Owls. Unfortunately, the body was not found so nothing can be determined of his death yet. Squall was and still is a brave young man who will stay in our hearts, minds, and spirits forever. Our regards go to his friends and family…"  
  
_I looked around and saw everyone's eyes fall to the floor…they showed a few pictures of Squall and us and then they went to the next story. I felt myself start to shake. I had to get up and go upstairs. "Excuse me," I choked and ran upstairs into Zell's room. Just seeing Squall's face made me sink…I collapsed on Zell's bed and stuffed my face in his pillow. _Squall…come back to me…_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I awoke to the warmth of the sun on my back and the smell of aftershave on Zell's pillow. Everyone else was downstairs, so that's where I went. As I got up, I realized I fell asleep in my wet clothes. They were dry now, so I didn't care.  
  
"G'mornin Rinoa!" Irvine said to me. "Ya slept a little late."  
  
"Guess I did…" I looked around. "Everyone's so happy…"  
  
"Yeah! Ya wanna know why?" Selphie asked, but she didn't give me time to answer. "I had a dream…kinda like those Laguna dreams, but Squall was in it."  
  
"Really?" I asked, a smile on my face.  
  
"Yup," Selphie said. "He told me to tell all of ya that you have to go on with your lives and not to cry for him. He said to be strong. He also said he'll be seein us soon."  
  
I was smiling. "Sounds like Squall…but that last part, it doesn't quite make sense." I sat and tried to make sense of what Selphie said before I realized we were one person short. "Hey, where's Zell?"  
  
"Zell? I asked him if he could go and catch me a fish." Mrs. Dincht laughed to herself. "Dinner, you know…but I don't know if he's the best fisherman. Try and look for him, Rinoa."  
  
"All right," I said and got up. "I will."  
  
I walked through Balamb to the place where I was yesterday. _Selphie was right, _I thought. _Being strong makes you feel a little better._

Zell was down by the docks, fumbling with his fishing rod. I giggled at his mistakes, then I went to go help him.  
  
"Zell!" I yelled to him. He smiled and I ran over to help him. "You're doing this all _wrong_," I said, smiling.  
  
He looked on, amazed that something that looked so difficult could be fixed so easily. "You must fish a lot…guess ya can tell I don't."  
  
"Zone taught me a long time ago," I said, then handed the rod back to him. "It's really easy. I'm surprised…you lived here your whole life, and you never went fishing?" I cast it out for him, then sat on the bench.  
  
"No, I've went before…but I just never had the patience…thanks!" Then he sat next to me. "So…were you all right?"  
  
"Uh-huh." We sat in silence for a while, until I saw a tug on Zell's pole. "Zell! Look! Your pole!"  
  
"Huh?" The tugs got stronger and stronger. Zell didn't know what to do. "This is gonna be big!! Um…once I reel it in!!"  
  
I had to help him, so I grabbed the pole, and we both reeled it in. It was a really, really big fish. Zell was ecstatic.  
  
"YEAHHH!!" He yelled. I looked at him curiously. "Oh…this is the first fish I ever caught here."  
  
"Really?" I asked him, kneeling down and putting the fish in the bucket.  
  
"Yeah. I only went fishing once before, and I was always busy in Garden, so….you know…" He kneeled down and helped me with the fish. "And I couldn't have done it without…you." He flashed me a quick, kinda flirty smile.  
  
"Oh, thanks…you know, I try…" It was my turn to blush. I tried to hide my face, but he put his hand on my cheek and turned my face towards him. 

"Ah-ha!" He smiled, and I blushed even deeper. 

"Stop, Zell!" I batted his hand away from me and looked out at the ocean. Suddenly, though, Zell tried to take my cheek again. He didn't succeed, and I turned around and pushed him, laughing. 

"Fine, fine…" He shook his head. My attention was directed back to the fish in the bucket, but right before I grabbed the fish, Zell took my hand and pulled me down towards him. I put my other hand on his shoulder to push away, but before I could really react…we kissed. It was one of those things that happen in a fleeting moment and you don't think. The kiss was soft, full, beautiful…and lasted maybe two seconds before I realized what I was doing. 

I suddenly felt nervous for some reason…but I couldn't come up with a really good excuse, so I gave Zell the first one that came to my head. "Ummmm…..I should take this fish home, before it gets all…weird." And I ran away from him, clonking that big bucket around against my knees.   
  
I ran all the way to Zell's house. When I ran in, out of breath with the big bucket in tow, I thought no one saw me…but Irvine was sitting in the kitchen when I came in. He looked me over, and a smirk came upon his face.  
  
"Well, well," He said, walking up to me. "Where's Zell? And why were you running, with a bucket no less?" He took me by the shoulders and led me to a chair, then he sat down himself. "Now, don't spare me _anything,_" he said, imitating Selphie or Quistis.  
  
"Irvine, why are you just assuming that something happened?"

"Rin…" He shook his head. "One: You went to find Zell, and he's not here with you."

"Um…yeah? So? He wasn't ready yet."

"Two: You were running with a bucket and a fish, and I might add, the bucket was filled with water. So…that fish would have still been alive if you walked."

"…ok…"

"And do I need a three?"

I sighed and sat down. "No, I guess not…"

Irvine looked me in the eye. "What happened?"

"Um…" I looked down at the fish in the bucket. It was laying there lazily. "Irvine, if I tell you, you're swearing that you won't tell a soul. OK?"

"Sure, Kiddo."

"Don't call me Kiddo. Hyne, I'm older than you." So…after taking a deep breath, I told him the entire story.

He laughed. "Rinoa, don't get so worried about it." He sighed. "This is so rough for everyone, especially for you. You're just confused. It's understandable."

"But Irvine, this is Zell…I don't want him to take anything different than it is. All it was…was a mistake." I held my head in my hands. "And what about Squall? Hyne…"

"Look, Rinoa…relax. You made a mistake…and we all do. Just…do what you feel is right in your heart. Things will come together."

I sighed shakily and decided to take Irvine's advice. He was right…but while it was a blessing, it was also a curse in disguise.  
  
  
  



	3. Realizations

****

"Love And Disloyalty"  
  
  
  
"_Do what you feel is right in your heart..."  
  
_Irvine was absolutely right. I had to do what was right…so I did what I _felt_ was right until I could actually think of something--I avoided Zell. I knew it wasn't _right_ to do at the time, but I felt that I couldn't go by him or I would do something…out of line. Poor Zell…he didn't know what I was doing. Every time he went to talk to me, I made an excuse and walked away from him. _If he only knew…_ I kept thinking to myself.  
  
It went on like that for a week. Confronting Zell about our little kiss was just too much for me. The fact that Squall just passed and I kissed his best friend hit me so hard…and I couldn't blame anything but my own stupidity.  
  
I needed someone to talk to about it…Irvine just wasn't the type to give advice, and Selphie would probably tell the whole world, so I went to someone else--Quistis. She would keep everything a secret, and she gave great advice.  
  
One night, I went to her room around midnight in my pajamas and softly knocked the door. When she answered, I didn't recognize her at first. Quistis was wearing a long ivory colored nightgown, and her shiny blond hair was hanging to her lower back. "Rinoa?" She asked me in complete surprise. "What are you doing here? And at midnight, no less!" Quistis had no real choice but to let me in, so she put her light on and sat down. "Is this an emergency?"  
  
"Um…yeah, pretty much." I sat on her couch and began my story. "Well, last week, two days after Squall…well, passed, do you remember when all of us went to Zell's house? You didn't go, but…that has nothing to do with that. Anyway…Zell and I had a little…well, experience."  
  
"You…?" Quistis asked me, implying _something_ that I never even did with Squall.  
  
"Noooo…..we didn't do….._it_….noo…ew….we kissed. But it wasn't a regular kiss on the cheek. It was a…_kiss_ kiss….like the way serious couples kiss." I shook my head. "But we're _not_ serious. I don't think I even like him….but it was sooo nice. Squall kissed me like Zell did, but it wasn't as…uh…fun." I giggled nervously. "…but he's kinda weird and….not my type, you know?"  
  
"So let me get this straight," Quistis began, "You kissed _Zell_…I guess I'll say passionately….I can't think of any other word…and you liked the _kiss_…but you don't like _him_."  
  
"Uh-huh." I put my head in my hands. "I'm ashamed of myself. I told Irvine…and he said to do what I think is right."  
  
Quistis sat next to me and sighed. "Well…he's right. Personally…I think Zell is a little….well, too spontaneous for me…and very naïve. I don't see any harm in trying, but…it's so _soon_, you know?" She shook her head. "I'm not quite sure what to say."  
  
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Quisty? It's Zell."  
  
"Coming!" She yelled to Zell. "Hurry! Get in my room and close the door." She whispered to me. I did as I was told. "Hey Zell…what's up?" I heard her say.  
  
"Well…I gotta tell ya somethin…but first, why are you up so late?"  
  
Quistis sighed. "Reading a good book...what do you want?"  
  
"Oh…" Zell said. "Well…alright, this is what I gotta tell you. Um…last week, when I invited everyone to my house…me and Rinoa…Rinoa and I, I mean…we went fishing. We had a great time and everything, but…um…I kissed her. It was all in fun, but it was like…I don't know, really. Sparks, at least for me. Now, she's ignoring me and I feel so bad."  
  
"Don't worry about it Zell," I heard Quistis say. "I know for a fact that Rinoa is just really confused about everything. You understand….with Squall and all this hitting her so fast…it's too much."

"So what should I do?"

"Try to talk to her, maybe. If something does happen between you two, it probably won't last forever…it's all confusion at this point." 

"All right…I understand. But I have one more thing to tell you…and maybe you can help me."  
  
Quistis paused. "OK, tell me."  
  
"I think….I think I'm falling for Rinoa."   
  
Quistis gasped. I gasped too…loud, but at the same time, so hers covered mine. "Really?" She said with hesitation. "That's great….but I don't know if she feels the same way about you though, Zell…..if you take it too fast I can guarantee your heart'll be broken in the end."

"It's so weird…I always did kinda have a soft spot for Rinoa…but it was never like this…I don't wanna hurt her. I dunno what to do."

"Um…" Quistis began, "Um….maybe, well…just talk to her. You might just hit it off….I don't know, to tell you the truth."  
  
I opened the door a tiny bit. I saw Quistis, her face slightly pink and Zell, who looked much happier. He jumped up. "Thanks Quisty! I just _knew _I could count on you!"  
  
"Shhh…" She hushed him. "People are sleeping. Now, go to sleep. See you tomorrow."  
  
"OK!…good-bye." With that, he ran out.   
  
I walked in and sat next to Quistis. "What just happened there?" I asked in disbelief.  
  
Quistis shook her head. "Zell…is in love…with _you_."  
  
I covered my face with my hands. "Oh, _no_…how could he? He must fall really hard. What am I gonna do?"  
  
Quistis shrugged. "You heard me…talk to him. Who knows? Yes, I know that it may be too soon because of Squall…but, you may fall too."  


"_BUT_…" I began. "There's this gigantic 'but' I have to get over…Squall and I never broke it off. As far as I know…as far as I _feel_…. he's still my serious boyfriend, and we're still in love. I feel like I'm cheating…."  
  
"He understands." Quistis said softly. "If I know Squall…he understands."  
  
"What am I going to do? I just can't lead him on forever…"  
  
"I don't know…do what your heart says to do. Just know the consequences. Love is a crazy game humans play, Rinoa. Sometimes…it's not fair."  
  
I walked to the door. "I understand, Quistis. Thank you." As I opened the door, my eyes had to adjust to the darkness of the hall, so I didn't realize who was standing there, listening to everything we just said. When I adjusted, I gasped. "Zell?!" I whispered in shock. "What…what are you doing here?"  
  
"I knew there was someone in there 'sides Quisty." Zell pointed to Quistis' room. "She never has her bedroom door closed. And I _saw_ you open it Rinoa."  
  
I covered my face. "So…everything you said…wasn't true?"  
  
He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. "No…it _was_ true. I'm glad you heard…actually. I didn't wanna tell all of this to you later. It was hard sayin it the first time."  
  
"Did you hear what _I _said the first time…before you came in?" I asked him.  
  
"Uh-huh. I was goin to the bathroom, and I saw Quisty's light on…so I listened in. Didn't mean to, really…but…I was gonna go in there anyway after I got out of the bathroom. She gives good advice. I can't believe she thought we did….well, _it _though…" He laughed a little. So did I. It broke the tension.  
  
"Yeah…" I looked at his pajamas…a tight white tank that showed his muscles and boxers. "Aren't you a little…self conscious walking around like that? Don't you have a robe?"  
  
He blushed. "Um…usually I don't run into you at midnight, Rinoa. I didn't come dressed for the occasion." Zell sighed. "Well…it's nice now we heard what we think of each other." I began to walk away. "Are we gonna give it a shot?"  
  
I froze. "What?"  
  
"You heard me." He smiled shyly.  
  
I smiled back. "…all right. I guess it wouldn't hurt. But…it's not serious." As he walked away, I remembered something. "Oh, Zell…" I began. He turned around to look at me. "You weren't going to the bathroom."  
  
"Yes I was."  
  
"Then you wouldn't have to leave your room. We each have a bathroom in our rooms."  
  
He rubbed the back of his head. "Oh yeah…"  
  
I giggled. "Were you following me?"  
  
Zell blushed. "Um…sub-consciously." He smiled. "Sometimes I walk around at night when I can't sleep. I saw you, and I followed you….cause usually ya don't walk around at night. Well…it's getting late. We should be gettin to bed. Good-night."  
  
He started to walk away, but I caught up with him. "Zell…" I began. I went with Irvine's advice and I kissed Zell. He tried to wrap his arms around my waist, but I grabbed his wrists. "Sweet dreams." I saw him walk down the hall to his room before I began to walk back to mine. I touched my fingers to my lips. _Irvine…._ I thought. _I'm doing what I feel is right…but I don't think it's going to come together for me. I miss Squall's touch too much… _I didn't think much of it and I went to my dorm to sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"RINOA! Wake up!"  
  
Selphie woke me up. I looked at my clock. 10:37…I slept about an hour late. She ran in my room eventually and jumped on my bed.   
  
"You have to get up! We're goin to Winhill."  
  
My eyes widened. "Winhill? But…Squall's father and sister from the orphanage live there, right?"  
  
"Uh-huh. _Sir_ Laguna and Ellone." She threw my clothes at me. "C'mon. Don't wanna be late now, do we?" She cocked her head to the side and looked at me. "Rinoa…you look awfully tired. Usually you're perky…like ME! Tee hee!" She smiled.  
  
I threw my clothes on. "I was up late last night…thinking." I looked in the mirror. "Yeah…I do look kinda bad. What can I do now though? Let's go."  
  
Selphie and I ran through the busy Garden hallways. We had to be at the Ragnarok by 10:45. Selphie knocked over the occasional student, but we arrived just in time….out of breath, but prompt.  
  
Quistis was talking to Xu when we arrived. She ran up to us. "Hey Selphie, Rinoa." She looked at me. "Sleep well after you left?" she asked, winking.  
  
Selphie noticed her. "Heyyy….you people are leaving me out of something! I WANNA KNOW!" She jumped up and down, then started to laugh. "Tell me later, we gotta go."  
  
As we boarded, I saw Zell and Irvine. They were talking and looking in my direction, but I tried to ignore them. "So Quistis," I began, "Why are we going to Winhill?"  
  
"You didn't know?" She sighed. "We have to inform Laguna and Ellone of Squall's…passing…" I could see the tears running down her cheek. She looked at me and wiped some tears off my cheek. "See? You're starting not to realize it. Don't cry." Quistis smiled, but I could see the sadness. She couldn't hide the sadness.   
  
When we boarded the Ragnarok, I went straight to my little comfy room. The trip to Winhill would possibly take an hour, so I got situated. _We have to inform Laguna and Ellone of Squall's death…I hate this…I really, truly do. Poor people…they loved him more than I did, although I would give my existence for him, they would give much more.  
  
_There was knocking at my door. "Come in!" I said. It was Irvine…smiling oddly. I looked at him funny. "What's with you?" I asked sweetly.  
  
"Zell told me about…last night." He said. I gasped. "No, don't worry…I swore to you I wouldn't tell a soul, and Zell kept me to that too." He patted my back. "Oh, did you use my advice?"  
  
"Uh-huh. That's what got me into this. I kissed him again yesterday night. I sealed my own fate."  
  
He got up to leave. "Well…I'm sure it'll work out in the end." He winked and left we wondering how he can be so cheerful when we had to inform someone of their son's death.  
  
I guess I fell asleep after Irvine left. The next thing I remember was Selphie banging on my door telling me to get up. I sighed and tried to give myself strength. It wasn't going to be easy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Winhill was a quiet little town. There was a few little kids running around playing with their little puppy, which made me smile, although there was nothing to smile about.  
  
Zell walked up next to me. "Hey…how are ya? Didn't see you the whole trip over here."  
  
"I was sleeping." I pointed out Laguna's house. "OK, here's his house." I told everyone. "We don't want this to be a huge thing, so Zell and Quistis come with me. Irvine, Selphie…stay out of trouble."   
  
We walked up to the house and knocked on the door. Laguna answered the door. I wasn't used to looking up at someone, but when I saw Laguna's eyes, they were full of….fatherly love, I guess.  
  
He looked at us. "Oh, hi…Rinoa, Quistis, and…Zell, right?" He asked. We nodded. "Great…I wasn't sure about matching the names with the faces. Come in. Wait…where's Squall?"  
  
I looked down at the floor. "Well…Mr. Loire…" I began. "Squall…um…I'm not quite sure how to say this…but…" I looked at Quistis, but she had her hand over her eyes.  
  
"He died?" Laguna looked as if he was shot down with a rocket. His smile deflated, and he rubbed the back of his neck with both of his hands. "That's why I hoped my only son wouldn't become a SeeD." He said softly, a single tear running down his cheek.  
  
I felt the tears start up again. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Loire…Squall was a wonderful guy." My knees started to give, and I went for the nearest chair. "I loved him so much, and h-he was so proud…"  
  
Laguna went over to me and kneeled in front of me. "Please, call me Laguna. And don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault."  
  
Zell came over and kneeled next to Laguna. "Sir…um, Laguna, from the depths of all of our hearts, we feel really bad for you and your family. He affected all of us, although he kept to himself a lot."  


"Yes…as one of my best students, he was…phenomenal. I don't know what to say about him that hasn't already been said." Quistis' eyes watered up and she began to cry, too.  
  
Laguna kept his composure quite well…I was impressed. "Well….although Squall is…gone… I can't help but feel proud of my son. He was a lot braver than I was, I'll say that. We were never close...Hyne, I'll miss him." He looked at me closely. "Rinoa, you look so much like this lady I knew…Julia.."   
  
"Julia? She was my mother," I sobbed. "She died when I was only 5."   
  
"I loved her music. She was a wonderful person." He sat down in a chair. "Well…" he began. "You were all Squall's friends. You can stay if you'd like. Ellone should be back soon."  
  
I shook my head. "No…we can't. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience…good-bye." 

I followed Zell and Quistis and was almost out the door when Laguna stopped me. "Rinoa…by the way that you talked about Squall, I could tell you and Squall were…awfully serious. You probably knew him a lot better than I did. Here." He handed me a locket. "Keep it. I'm just so glad that he found an amazing girl like yourself."  
  
"Thank you very much, Laguna…." I smiled at Laguna. He was a really nice man. I said my final good-byes and left to join the others. Everyone was silent when I showed up. Quistis saw the locket in my hand. "Laguna gave it to me." I opened it and grinned when I saw the picture inside. It was of Squall and his mother…he had to be about two years old. His mother was so beautiful…he looked so much like her. What amazed me though were the eyes. Big, round, beautiful blue eyes…full of innocence. I held my hand up to my mouth and laughed to myself before the tears came."Little Squall…"

"Aww…" Selphie exclaimed softly, but she started to cry, and Irvine hugged her.  
  
I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't. "We should get…get back to the Ragnarok," I managed to sob.   
  
"Yeah, that's a good idea," Zell said. I could see the tears in his eyes, too.  
  
When we got to the Ragnarok, we were all crying in spite of ourselves…even Irvine and Zell. Without Squall, we felt so….abandoned. He was the leader of our group. Now, I had a feeling everyone wanted me to take his place…but I wasn't sure that I could.   
  
"How did it go?" Xu asked me softly.  
  
"All right…for telling someone their son is dead." I replied. Zell came over to me, but I pretended not to notice him and I went inside the Ragnarok. I saw Quistis looking at me. She realized I left him there again…but I wasn't going back. I ran into my room and fell on my bed, crying and crying. "Squall…Squall…." I murmured, until I slipped out of consciousness.  
  
_"Rinoa? Rinoa…where are you?"  
"Squall? Is that _your_ voice?"  
"Yeah! Where are you?"  
"Right here!" I ran into his arms. "Oh…Squall…I can see you…touch you…I can feel your arms…I can talk to you!"  
  
"Rinoa…I can't be with you long…."  
"What are you saying?"  
"I'm saying that I want you to know that I love you…and I know you're confused about….well, I won't mention it….but go with what you _want, _all right?"  
"But…I want….you…I want this!"  
"No, you don't. I saw you kiss Zell. You want _him_….and I'm happy for you. Right now, I can't be with you, but Zell can…"_ _He shook his head. "I put you together…and now, I realize it _was_ for something…_go _with him, Rinoa….you'll see me soon enough…"  
  
"SQUALL!! Don't go…don't leave me….I love you."  
  
  
_"Huh?" I looked around. Squall wasn't next to me. I was in my little room…it was a dream…a nice dream…hearing his voice and feeling him was nice. Yet…Squall _told_ me to go with Zell. I didn't really understand what it meant. It could have just been my mind telling me what I wanted…what were the chances of it being an actual sign? But, I decided I'd take it as something special. "_Please_ be telling me the truth," I whispered to myself. Then, I got up and walked out of my room to the Bridge to find my friends.   
  
Everyone was rather quiet when I walked in. I looked around at everything and sat down. Selphie was piloting, but she wasn't as perky as she usually was. Zell was half asleep in a chair a few seats down from me. I looked at Quistis. She was dozing off too…but she was also watching Zell and I. She motioned for me to go towards him…so that's what I did.  
  
"Hey Zell…" I said softly, waking him up fully.  
  
"Oh…hi, Rinoa." He said to me, running his hand through his hair. "What's up?"  
  
"Um…nothing, really. Just wanted to say hi." I got up and went towards Quistis. "Oh, I can't do it." I whispered to her. "Maybe later…when we're alone."  
  
Quistis didn't make a big deal out of it. "OK, whatever you think is best." She looked at him. "I could tell…he has definitely fallen for you." I looked skeptical. "Aww, look at him!" I did…he did look towards me a lot. But that alone wasn't proving anything.  
  
Suddenly, Xu came in. "Everyone, listen up! We have to make a stop at Timber. I'm not exactly sure why…but we should be ready to go in the morning."   
  
I looked at Quistis. "Here we go, Quisty!" I said, smiling.  
  
She smiled back. "Oh, Hyne…just don't take this too fast."  
  
I got up and looked out at Timber. "No…I won't." I saw Zell looking over at me. I smiled at him and he looked away, blushing. _This will definitely be it, _I thought. _Zell said we're gonna give it a try…so let's go.  
  
_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
That night at the room Quistis and I were sharing, she was helping me pick out a dress. I had a nice, long blue silk one that had angel wings on the back and slits up the sides…it looked similar to the sleeveless duster I always wore around. As luck would have it, there was a brand new restaurant that was opening in the heart of Timber. In case Zell didn't go, Quistis was going to go with me. She had picked out a short red dress that had a criss-cross back.  
  
"Well, what's happening?" Quistis asked me.  
  
"I'm going to ask Zell to go with me," I replied, looking in the mirror.  
  
"No!" Quistis said, grabbing my shoulders and looking in my eyes. "You're going to have to play it different." This was a side to Quistis that I've _never_ seen before. "We'll start off to the restaurant, and Zell will see us. You ask him if he wants to go, and if he says yes, I'll casually leave you two alone. How's that?"  
  
"Ummm….whatever." I said before starting to laugh. "No, honestly, that'll be all right."  
  
She looked at me. "OK. Let's go." I grabbed my purse, and I followed Quistis.  
  
Before we actually left the inn, lots of people had come up to us to say how nice we looked. I was gracious, but I was also getting nervous. Maybe this wasn't the best idea…

"Quistis, let's go-" I began, but I saw Zell behind her. He was all dressed up, too. "Hey, Zell!" I said cheerfully.  
  
Zell looked at us, going up and down. "You two look…wow. Wow." Zell and I laughed. "Where are you going?"  
  
"The Ruby Light," I replied. "It just opened a few days ago. Would you like to come with us?"  
  
He smiled. "Um…all right, I guess so."  
  
Quistis winked at me. "Well, to tell you the truth, I have a lot of work to do. Even if we're not in the Garden, I _have_ to keep busy. I have a whole stack of papers to grade." She started to leave. "You two have fun!" Then she tried to run inside, but she tripped over her heels.  
  
Zell looked at her funny. "Quisty's acting pretty weird all of a sudden. What's up with her?"  
  
"I…don't know." I smiled at him. "Shall we go?" He took my hand, and we walked through Timber.  
  
"So, where is this Ruby Light?" Zell asked me.  
  
I shrugged. "Oh, it's around. We'll find it." I knew it was by the Pub, but I wanted to walk with Zell. "Hey…why were you waiting outside, all dressed up?"  
  
"Well…" Zell began, "I was gonna ask you to come with me to this restaurant too…but you were one step ahead of me."  
  
I giggled. "That was sweet of you, even though I was a step ahead." He grinned and looked at me. "So…I suppose that this is our officially first shot at things, huh?"  
  
"Yup…" He pointed over to the restaurant. "There it is! C'mon." I could tell he was anxious to get there, but he kept his cool and held my hand.   


When we got inside the restaurant, I saw that it was packed. Zell and I had to wait about a half hour for a table for two. It was nice to see him acting so sweet, holding the door for me, pulling out my chair. He was even trying to speak a little better because he was in a fancy place.  
  
"Well…" I said softly. "This is a really lovely place." I looked outside. There were raindrops on the window.  
  
"Oh no." Zell said, smiling. "We walked here. We're gonna--going to get soaked!"  
  
I giggled at his speaking. I thought it was really cute. He looked at me curiously after I stopped giggling, then he smiled that flirty smile I liked.  
  
All and all, we had a good night. Zell only slipped up a few times when he spoke, but then he started to speak like a complete gentlemen. He ordered champagne, even though we were a few years too young for it, but I was surprised that they gave it to us anyway. (Usually, the restaurants don't do that…but I guess they didn't care since the place was still pretty new.)  
  
I clinked my glass with Zell's. "To us," I said softly.  
  
"To…us," He replied, smiling.  
  
After the champagne, we ordered our food, which was absolutely wonderful, by the way. Then…there was just nothing else to do but talk.  
  
"I really did enjoy this place…I don't want the night to end!"  
  
He got up and took my hand. "It's not over yet." I looked ahead and saw a dance floor. At first, I didn't want to go, but Zell looked at me and gave me his flirty smile--again-- so I couldn't resist him.  
  
When we got on the dance floor, Zell led me right to the middle. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and he laughed at himself. We both had to relax around each other. A nice slow song was playing, so I put both of my arms on his shoulders and Zell had both of his hands wrapped around my waist.   
  
"This is…nice," I said softly, and I laid my head on his shoulder.  
  
"Yeah…it is," Zell replied.  
  
Suddenly, to my utter surprise, I heard "Eyes On Me." Zell knew just as much as I did that it was mine and Squall's song. He looked at me and seemed to be asking me if I wanted to dance with him when this song was playing…so there was some remembrance of Squall. But I looked right back up at him…and we danced. He was a lovely dancer…although he stepped on my foot once.  
  
When "Eyes On Me" ended, Zell and I left the Ruby Light. Unfortunately, it was pouring outside, just like that crazy night in Balamb. Zell tried to hide me from the rain by holding me close to him, but I got soaked anyway.  
  
"That's a shame, Rinoa," He told me, looking at the way I was dressed. "Cause you were so…beautiful tonight. I mean, you still are, but…"   
  
I looked up at him and laughed. "Don't worry about me, Zell. Your hair…" I flipped a piece of hair on Zell's head that usually was sticking up back off his face. Suddenly, the rain got harder than it already was. "Run!" I yelled, and we ran in the streets of Timber, hands clasped together and yelling like two idiots. But…it was fun.  
  
When we got to the inn, we were soaked to the bone…but laughing and fooling around. _I had never done this with Squall, _I thought to myself. _It's a shame…Squall has such a lovely personality…but he never let go of himself. _We finally got ourselves out of the rain and into the inn. I was about to go in my room when I saw a note pinned on the door:  
  
_Rinoa,  
  
I decided to stay with Selphie and Irvine for a while. You can come over, or stay at the room. Whatever you wanna do.  
  
Quistis  
  
_**I looked right into Zell's eyes. "Would you like to stay?" I asked him.  
  
"Well…I guess." He looked away, embarrassed.   
  
I opened the door and saw that Quistis cleaned it all up. Zell looked around and sat on the bed, but when he realized he was wet he jumped right off. We both looked at each other and started to laugh.  
  
"Damn…I left all my stuff on the Ragnarok." I giggled.  
  
"Me too."  
  
I ran into the bathroom and got some towels and spread them out on the floor. "There, so we don't' get the floor wet." I sat down.  
  
Zell sat down, but he was a little bit far from where I was. "So…whatcha wanna do?"  
  
I looked down at the floor. "We could…talk." I looked up at him. "Talking is good." I moved a little closer to Zell.  
  
"It is." I saw his eyes looking straight into mine.  
  
So, for hours, Zell and I had talked about practically everything that happened since we met each other. It felt good to just talk…_but_ by the end of our night I was sleeping in Zell's arms on the floor. At first, I thought I was crazy for thinking I could love Zell. However…it seemed to be possible.**

  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  



	4. Zell's Angel

**"Love And Disloyalty"**

CHAPTER THREE

"Rinoa…wake up….hello?"

"Squall…ugh….I'm tired…leave me alone…" 

"Rinoa. It's Zell."

"WHA?" My eyes fluttered open and met Zell's concerned blue ones. He was pointing to the clock--it was 11:04. "Ah, overslept." I said to myself, getting off the floor. I didn't realize I was still in my wrinkled, slightly damp evening gown. "I have to change!" I said to myself again. "Darn, left my clothes--"

"Right here." Zell smiled and handed me my usual outfit and my blue sleeveless duster. "I had to get my clothes, and I got up a little earlier than you." I went to the bathroom to change. "Hurry up. We gotta be around the Ragnarok at quarter after."

I was wondering where Quistis was. She stayed with Irvine and Selphie, but she couldn't have been there the whole night. _Maybe she did, though. She was acting kind of strange when I showed an interest in Zell. I wonder why… _I looked at the digital clock in the bathroom. 11: 12!! I ran out of the bathroom and went to get my stuff together, but Zell had already gotten everything, so I ran all the way to the Ragnarok, which took quite a while. When I got there, Xu was waiting outside for me.

"Rinoa! Where were you?" She scolded. "Punctuality is an important part of SeeDsmanship."

"Sorry." I quickly got on the Ragnarok._ SeeDsmanship? _I asked myself. _That's a new word for the dictionary._

I saw Quistis running towards me. She had a huge smile on her face. "Hey, Rinoa!" She greeted me. "How was your night?"

"It was fine." I said. "Did you stay with Irvine and Selphie all night?"

"Yeah." She cocked her head to the side. "I'm curious to know what _you_ did." Suddenly, Quistis erupted into giggles. "I'm sorry, I just haven't been involved in this stuff since I was…fourteen maybe. It's still fun, you know?"

"Uh-huh." I slapped my forehead with my hand. "Oh…I'm so tired for some reason. I mean, I went to bed early, woke up late, what could be wrong? Maybe that floor…"

"You slept on the _floor_?"

I nodded. "Zell and I were sopping wet from the rain yesterday, and we didn't wanna get any furniture wet. So we slept on the floor." I began to walk towards the 'little rooms.' "Maybe I can sleep a little in a bed. See ya." 

I walked half-asleep to my room, wondering how I possibly ran all the way to the Ragnarok. _That must have made me a little exhausted, _I thought. _I feel like I ran half a mile. _

My room was the same as it always was…warm, comfy. But as I swung the door open, something caught my eye. There was a single crimson Balamb paradise flower laying on my dresser, along with a folded piece of light blue paper. _Zell… _I thought, blushing at his thoughtfulness. I walked towards it and opened the piece of paper. _"Angel"….this was what I was reading that day at Zell's house!_

Although, my angel, we're two worlds apart,

You will always be in my heart.

The simple fact that you're in my life,

Saved me from all my pain and strife.

Rinoa, my love, when I first heard your name,

I knew that I'd never be the same.

****

Wow, he must have written this…a really long time ago. I could feel my heart swell at the thought of Zell writing poetry--for me, of all people. Maybe for that girl in the library he used to like, but I never thought me. I picked up the flower. It was like silk to the touch. I wanted to thank Zell, but I would do that later. For that moment, I fell on my bed, reciting the poem in my mind.

As I was dreaming, I saw visions of Squall, smiling, in my mind. At first, I thought it was because I was allowing myself to go to Zell. Then, my visions of Squall turned into swirls of different colors with his face going from a smile to a frown.. Suddenly, there was a "BOOM" in my dream that felt so real I woke up, still clinging the flower I fell asleep holding. There was cold sweat on my face, but there was nothing disturbing in my dream.

The "BOOM" was just the Ragnarok landing. I saw the Garden students outside my window. There was knocking at my door, telling me it was time to get up. I grabbed the paper and the flower and opened the door.

Selphie was waiting for me. "Heyyy Rinoa!" She said. "How are you? Heard you were out yesterday." She winked. "With Zell. That's true?"

I nodded and tried to hide what I was holding. "It was a friendly kinda thing though. Nothing serious." I half lied. Really, I didn't know at all what it was. "Forget about it. Let's go."

She shook it off and half bounced, half walked beside me. "Really it was a friendly thing? By the way Quistis described it to Irvine, it didn't sound like it." Selphie saw me blush. "Awww, don't worry Rinoa! It's a secret between all of us. I won't tell." 

I decided to take her word for it as Irvine and Zell walked past. They were talking about something, so they didn't notice us. "Wonder what they were talkin about. Did you see the way they didn't notice us?" Selphie said. She looked at me. "Usually you're a lot like me, Rinoa. 'Sup with you?"

I giggled at her " 'sup." Only Zell said that. "Well…nothin's wrong. I was just thinking."

"Oh." Suddenly there was an announcement on the loudspeaker. 

"GARDEN STUDENTS, PLEASE GIVE YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS PARTICULAR ANNOUNCEMENT. YOU WILL NEED TO BE EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS AND CAREFUL WHEN VISITING THE TRAINING CENTER. FOR SOME ODD REASON, STUDENTS REPORTED THAT MONSTER SIGHTINGS HAVE BEEN PARTICULARLY RARE, BUT WHEN THEY SHOWED UP, THEY WERE AMAZINGLY STRONG. THE POWER OF THE GRATS HAVE ESPECIALLY INCREASED. AGAIN, PLEASE BE CAREFUL. THIS IS JUST A GENERAL PRECAUTION, SO PLEASE BE PREPARED! THANK YOU."

****

I shrugged it off. "I'm gonna go to my room. I need to seriously wind down." I waved to Selphie and walked to my dorm quickly. When I got there, I sighed loudly and put my poem and flower on my desk. "Squall, if you could see me now." I said softly and sat down. There was a picture of Squall, Zell, and Irvine on my desk. Zell and Irvine were making goofy faces, and Squall was his serious self. A tear rolled down my cheek, but I wiped it away. There was a rather loud knock at my door. "Coming!" I yelled, and walked over to the door. When I opened my door, I could feel my face turn white. Of all people, standing there was my enemy and ex-boyfriend…Seifer. "What are you doing here?" I asked him coldly.

"Nothing." He let himself in, Fuujin and Raijin behind him. "Heard that puberty boy died." I glared at him with disdain. "Maybe I wanted to pay my respects."

Raijin nodded. "Seifer here felt a little sorry for ya. We all did, ya know?"

"AFFIRMATIVE." Fuujin said, referring to the "we all feel sorry" part.

I opened the door. "Well, that's awfully nice. But I don't need your sympathy. You always wanted him dead, remember?" I shook my head. "Seifer, I know the only reason you came is to make me feel bad or you want something. Which is it? Because I want you out."

Seifer walked up to me and put his arm around my shoulders. "I can_not _believe my _favorite_ ex-girlfriend is treating me this way. Anyway, I want an answer from you." He paused. "Maybe…I was thinking…we could get back together…"

"NO!" I yelled at him, taking his arm off my shoulders and running to the other side of my room. "Why would I degrade myself?"

Fuujin was standing next to me when something caught her eye--my poem and flower from Zell. "LOOK." She said, pointing to those things. 

Raijin picked them up. "Well, look here. It's some lovey-dovey stuff, ya know?" He handed it to Seifer.

"Don't you _dare_ touch that!"

Seifer tossed the flower to me and read the poem. "What is _this_?" He said. The he saw Zell's name at the bottom, and began to laugh in fits. "You…and….CHICKEN-WUSS?!" He tried to stop laughing. "Oh…my Hyne…hahaha! No way! You chose him over me? Or even that dumb cowboy?" Seifer had his laugh for a few minutes, then he walked up to me. "Well well," he said, regaining his composure and sitting down. "If you chose that Chicken-Wuss, then you'll have to know what a _real_ man is like…" He tried to kiss me. 

I screamed and jumped up. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled. When he tried to force himself on me again, I kicked him….where it really hurts, if you know what I mean. Seifer fell over and Fuujin and Raijin stood there momentarily. I was expecting some sort of reaction from either one of them, and I braced myself. Yet…all they did was laugh.

"Seifer's down for the count, ya know?"

"AFFIRMATIVE. SEIFER, BEAT." The two of them just walked out, leaving me alone with him.

I just stood there and shook my head. "Where in the world did that come from…?" Sighing, I looked down at Seifer. "How stupid can you possibly be?" 

"Can't…rely on them for anything." 

"Exactly." I laughed and went over to re-arrange some of the things that Raijin knocked over on my dresser. Unfortunately, I failed to realize that Seifer recovered quickly. As I picked up a picture frame, I suddenly felt him grasp my shoulder. "Seifer!"

He turned me around and looked me in the eyes. "You're right…I don't need them to do a one-man job." Seifer had me held up against the dresser, and I didn't know what to do. When he started to slide his hands across my back, however, I struggled with him.

"Get off me!"

"Why don't you love me anymore?" He asked angrily, trying to kiss my neck. "We used to be perfect…"

Suddenly, Seifer fell. I screamed in fear, but realized that Quistis was standing there. "Rinoa! Hyne, are you OK?" She grabbed my arms and studied my face. 

"What did you do to him?"

"Don't worry about it. But he'll be out for awhile."

Irvine, Selphie, and Zell ran into the room, too. Zell's jaw dropped. "What the hell happened?"

"Zell…" I ran to him and flung myself in his arms. "Seifer…he tried to…" I couldn't say it and I buried my face in his shoulder.

"Here…let me get rid of this jerk." Irvine grabbed Seifer and dragged him out of the room. 

"I can't believe that he tried to do this." I cried. "Why did he do this?"

Selphie didn't understand. "What did he do?"

"He tried to force himself onto me…he must've figured that since Squall died, I-I…"

"Oh, no…" Selphie's eyes widened. "That's horrible!"

I held my head in my hands. "I don't know where they came from," I said softly. "Seifer must figure that since I used to love him, I'll love him forever…but I don't." I started to cry in frustration, fear, and a million other things. "He's so stupid! I never felt like this with Squall around…why do I feel like this now?"

Zell sighed. "Rinoa…I wish I knew what to say, but I don't."

"You don't have to say anything, then." I sniffled. Irvine walked back into the room and over to Selphie, who told him what happened.

"Maybe you'd be better off staying with one of us." Quistis suggested. "But…who?"

Irvine shook his head. "I'm bunkin with Nida. As much as I would take you in, I can't knock him out. An' there's no couch or anything."

Selphie sighed. "I have a single room. No couch or anything. Sorry."

"Well, I have a couch." Quistis said. "But it's _really_ uncomfortable and usually I stay up until around one in the morning to grade papers and stuff."

Everyone looked at Zell. "Well…I know I'm sharin with someone, but I'll stay here with you, Rinoa. Only if ya want though….my room buddy wanted to have someone sleep over anyway." 

I shook my head. "No…I'll be fine by myself. Seifer won't bother me anymore. If he does, then Irvine, you're across the hall, so I know you can hear me if anything happens." Zell looked in my eyes. "Don't worry guys, I'll be fine by myself. I have my GFs and my weapon."

Selphie walked over and hugged me. "Well, it looked like you hurt Seifer _real_ bad. What did you do?"

"I kicked him where it hurts." I said simply.

Irvine started to crack up. "You mean…._there?_" He started to laugh even harder. When everyone finally caught on, my whole room was filled with laughter. 

I frowned. "I was only protecting myself. He was making advances! What else was I going to do?" 

Zell stopped laughing. "Are you alright?" He asked me, sitting by my side.

"Yeah, just shook up. But like I said, I'm gonna be fine." I sighed. "Even so, I've never felt so petrified since I met Squall. I feel so…vulnerable, you know what I mean?"

Zell looked at me and drew me close to him. "Yeah, I know…but, Rinoa, I'll never let anything happen to you. You don't have to feel that way."

I rested my head on his chest. "But…I can't help it Zell. I know you're here…like Quistis, Irvine, and Selphie are here…but I'm afraid. Usually, Squall would be here and never let me out of his sight. But…that's not gonna happen anymore."

Irvine saw how Zell and I were talking and he tapped Selphie's and Quistis' shoulders. "Well, if you need us, we're gonna be in the quad, right?"

Selphie nodded. "Yup. See ya!" She bounced out the doorway with Quistis and Irvine following behind.

Zell and I stayed like that for a long time in silence. I felt safe like that, and I think he knew how I felt. He didn't try to take himself away.

"I want to stay like this forever," I said in almost a whisper, breaking the silence. "This is so…nice."

"Wish we could." Zell said. There was a long pause. "Rinoa…" he began. "I have to tell you something…"

I left Zell's touch just long enough to get the poem. "I have to say thank you. This was awfully sweet of you." 

Zell grinned. "Your welcome. But…there's somethin else I wanna say…" He looked troubled. "Well…um, I just wanna say it out loud."

"What?"

He shut his eyes for a moment, then looked into mine. "I love you, Rinoa."

My stomach whirled when I heard _'love.'_ I looked at him and I shook my head. "Really?" I asked a little too skeptically. "Zell…I don't want to sound mean or rude, but we just started to realize how we feel about each other. There's no way…" Then, I realized my mistake.

Zell backed away from me and looked at me in disbelief. "Rinoa…I've known you for a long time. I _know _how I feel!" 

"But, Zell…don't you realize? I was in love with _Squall!_ It's not that easy to just fall in love again."

"Why not?" He asked, almost oblivious to the events that just passed.

I couldn't get any words out at first, but then I quickly whispered, "You've never been in love before. You wouldn't know love if it walked up to your doorstep."

Suddenly, I realized that my last statement hurt Zell more than I thought it would. "Fine, I don't know love? That's OK with me…if love was with you, that'd be something that I'd _never_ even find out." He walked towards the door.

"Zell, wait…I'm sorry. Please!" I said, looking in his hurt blue eyes…I realized…I hurt them. "Can't we just think this over? I-is this good-bye…??"

He shook his head. "I don't know, Rinoa." Then he opened the door and left me standing there. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and hit the carpet. 

My head hung down in disappointment. "Zell…if only you knew…" I walked over to my desk and sat down, staring at the flower. It meant so much more to me now then it did before. _It's true…you never know how much something means to you until it's gone. I lost Squall…I don't wanna lose Zell too. _I fumbled through my desk and found a note that Squall had written me a little while ago…about three days before he died. I opened it and read it.

__

Rinoa,

This will definitely show how much I don't write notes. J Well, right now I'm sitting in Quistis' class. You don't take Garden courses (neither does Irvine, but isn't that irrelevant?), so you wouldn't believe how professional Quistis is. Little Quisty…one of my friends at the orphanage…my teacher! Where has everything gone since then? 

Rinoa, I'm taking a test now…I shouldn't really be writing this. Zell will probably tell or something as a good best friend should. But, I don't think he knows. This is the first time I'm actually doing something like this. To tell you the truth, Irvine said I should write this note. "It's just what couples do when they're in school."…whatever. I don't think I'll be taking his advice for a little while. Wonder how many notes Selphie has from him if that's what couples do…

Are you ready for the trip we're taking in the Ragnarok at the end of the week? Xu said we're going to fly over the Great Salt Lake. You've been there, but you were in your coma, so you didn't know.

Well, Quistis is getting 'teacher' on me. I have to stop writing. Remind me to get Irvine later. J J 

Love Always,

Squall

****

I neatly folded the note up and put it back in the desk. I remembered he was really happy that day. Squall had just gotten promoted a rank and he was excited about the Ragnarok trip. _Squall…I miss you, _I thought. _You would know just what to do if you were me. I wish you were still alive. Then I wouldn't be in this stupid thing with Zell. I'd be with you. _I sighed. "Squall?" I asked no one. "Why'd you leave me?" I got up and sat on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. In a matter of time, I drifted asleep.

__

Hi Rinoa.

"Hello? Who is this?"

I think you know who it is. 

"No, I don't. Leave me alone."

But I can't. You're just so…special. I'm going to get you all for myself, Rinoa. Even if it means killing off that dumb blonde Chicken-Wuss.

"Zell? No! He's nothing to you."

No, no…he's more than what you think he is. I think that's why he walked out today. You don't know how much you mean to him. You broke his little heart.

"No…he's just confused."

You're mistaken. He's nothing_ to you, but you're _everything_ to him. Stupid narrow minded girl…if you weren't in love with a dead guy, you would realize _all_ this. You would realize that _I'm _everything thing you need. But it's too late. I guess someone else will have to die. Tsk tsk…..if only you were smarter….._

"NO! NO! NO!" I screamed and sat upright. "NO! No…nonono…."

I heard Irvine outside, banging on my door. "Rinoa! Are you alright?" Slowly, I got up and answered the door. Irvine ran in and looked around, then he walked up to me. "What happened? Are you OK?" He closed the door, then shook his head. "Is it Seifer?"

Irvine looked at me. "No, I'm all right. I just had a dream…no, it wasn't a dream. It felt…like someone was speaking to me."

"Speaking to you?"

I nodded. "Uh-huh. I'm sure it was just my mind drifting around, but…someone was speaking to me. He said…he said……"

"Yeah?"

"It said that he was gonna…kill Zell."

Irvine looked concerned. "Zell? Who was it?"

I paused. "I know…it was Seifer."

"Seifer?"

"Yeah…I know that he was always jealous of Squall and me, you know?" Irvine nodded, listening. "Now that he's…dead…I'm pretty sure that Seifer wants to give it another go. But I don't want him, and, well, you know his attitude about things…"

"You know, Rin, I'm sure it didn't mean anything…"

"Irvine, it might not have meant anything, but it did make sense." I buried my head in my knees. "He said Zell loved me more than I knew. …am I stupid? Is it possible to fall in love in such a little while?"

"You'd be surprised."

"I know. But…I think I made a huge mistake. Hyne, what am I gonna do?"

Irvine sighed. "Rinoa, just try to get some sleep, OK? We can talk about this in the morning. It's two o'clock." He brushed the hair from my face for me. "It was probably all just a stupid dream…don't worry about it."

"All right." I watched Irvine leave, then got back up on my feet and crawled into bed. It was going to be a long night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I got almost no sleep that night. The things that Seifer seemed to 'say' to me kept me up all night. Whether it was real or just my mind acting up on me, it scared me to death. I didn't want to jeopardize Zell's well-being.

The next morning, I woke up drowsy. My bedsheets were all wrapped around me, and I was sprawled out half-off my bed. I yawned, sat up, and suddenly grinned. Irvine was in the corner of my room with a blanket, all wrapped up like a baby on the floor. Until Squall's death, I never realized how good of a friend Irvine was. 

I decided to leave him there and go look for Selphie. After throwing a robe and slippers on, I walked out into the hallway and shuffled to her room, which was only three doors down. Her door was closed, and I heard voices before I went in.

"….Zell just expected too much, that's all. He has a tendency to be naïve about these things. I certainly can't blame Rinoa. Actually, I'm proud of her. She's been so good with everything that's been happening…"

"I know. Rin's really holding up. But Zell is falling apart…poor guy…"

Not wanting to hear anymore, I knocked on the door. "Hello?"

"Just a minute!" There was a pause before Selphie opened the door. "Rinoa! Hi!" 

"Hi…" I let myself in. "Hey, Quistis."

"Good morning! How are you doing?"

"Fine…" I sighed. "I heard you guys just before I walked in the room."

"Really?" Selphie asked.

"Yeah…" I looked at Quistis. "Zell's falling apart?"

She nodded. "He came to me yesterday night…he looked awful. For about an hour, he just talked to me about Squall and you. I guess everyone failed to realize that Squall was the closest friend that Zell ever had…and what happened between you and him just killed him. He feels like everything was his fault."

"Oh…Quistis, I made such a big mistake." I sat down next to her and held my forehead in my hand. "I never meant for any of this…but I guess these things just happen, don't they?"

"Yeah…" Selphie smiled. "Weird, isn't it?"

"Wait--" Quistis looked me in the eye. "Do you love him?"

"Do I love him?" I repeated. "It…it doesn't seem right. It's absurd, almost. It doesn't make any sense…"

"…" Quistis didn't understand what I was saying.

"But I do."

Suddenly, Selphie grabbed my arm. "Then why are you here? Go! Find Zell and tell him!"

I laughed. "I guess I should, shouldn't I?" Quistis and Selphie both took one of my hands and led me to the door. "Thanks so much for everything, you guys."

Quistis smiled. "It's the least we could do, Rinoa."

"Go find him!"

I decided that Zell was probably in his room, so I ran down the hall--in my slippers and robe, no less, until I came to his door. There was no noise inside, so I knocked on the door. _He's probably just asleep. _Yet, there was no answer. I tried again, and got the same response, so I assumed that he wasn't there.

Irvine walked by me, yawning. He probably just left my room. "Oh, Zell's not there." 

"Really? Where is he?"

"Um…I think he might be in the Quad--Rinoa!" Before he could say anything else, I was running. "Do you realize that you're not even dressed?"

My outfit was the last thing that was on my mind. I could hear my slippers slap the ground as I ran past students who were looking at me curiously. Xu was in the main lobby, and stopped me when she saw me. "Rinoa, what are you _doing_?"

"Do you know where Zell is?" I asked, breathlessly.

"He just left the Quad…maybe the Library?" 

"Great--thanks!" I began to make my way to the Library, while Xu just stood there, trying to comprehend me.

The Library was dead-silent when I walked in. A few students and the librarian gave me odd glances, but it didn't make a difference. Zell wasn't in plain sight, so I walked over to a bookcase and peered in the aisle. 

Zell was there, looking through a book…with that library girl.

"Zell?" I whispered, breaking the silence.

He looked up at me. "..oh, hi." Then he looked back at his book without giving me a second thought. The girl smiled and waved at me before returning her attention to Zell. 

I couldn't believe my eyes. The girl looked up at me again and walked towards me, but Zell didn't even look up. "You know…we're only friends."

"…great." I laughed in disbelief while backing away. "Great." My body began to shake under my robe.

"Are you all right?" The girl put a hand on my shoulder. 

"I'll be fine," I said, glancing back at Zell. Then, I made my way to the door, leaving them alone. I could feel myself shaking, almost violently. How could Zell do this to me? How could I do this to him? My mind began to swim and I closed my eyes for a second. _It's not fair... _When I opened them,I saw Selphie and Quistis in the distance--they were looking for me. I wrapped my arms around myself because I couldn't stop shaking. _It's not fair…Squall…_

And that was my last conscious thought before falling to the floor.


	5. True Emotions

****

"Love And Disloyalty"

CHAPTER FOUR

"Rinoa Heartilly…are you awake?"

"Ugh…huh?" My eyes opened to the bright lights of the Infirmary and Dr. Kadowaki looking down at me. I smiled weakly. "Hey…Dr. Kadowaki."

She sat down next to me. "I was worried about you. How many girls dressed in their robes faint in front of the Library on a daily basis?" She sighed contentedly. "I'm sure you were just under a lot of stress, though. Quistis explained everything to me. With everything that's been going on in your life, be lucky this is the least that's happened to you."

"Really?"

"Really. As a matter of fact, all your friends just left. And that one boy…the one with the blond hair? He was an absolute _wreck._" Dr. Kadowaki got up. 

"The blond hair?" I thought for a minute. "You mean….Zell?"

She smiled. "He's the one. Poor boy…"

I got up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. "I thought he was mad at me." I looked at her. "Dr. Kadowaki, can I go?"

Dr. Kadowaki nodded. "Two things…one, keep your clothes on when you leave the dormitories." I laughed. "And two…make amends with that boy who loves you."

The halls were full of the usual student bustle. I sighed to myself and looked into the Library (that girl was re-arranging books in one of the shelves). Quistis was talking to Selphie in a 'hush-hush' manner when I saw them. Selphie waved and bounded over to me.

"How are you, Rinoa?" she asked me, looking concerned.

I nodded and smiled. "I'm all right, thank you." I waved to Quistis. "Hey!"

She walked over and smiled. "Thank Hyne you're OK!" She crossed her arms and pointed to the dormitory. "You should go see Zell. He's _really_ down. He told us all about Library thing…and your being in the Infirmary knocked him for a loop."

Selphie nodded. "If he saw you, he'd definitely be happy again. I miss the old Zell, even if it was just for a day." 

I looked down to the floor. "Boy…I guess that stupid dream held true…to an extent."

Quistis cocked her head to the side. "What are you talking about?"

I told them both about my dream. After I finished, I sighed. "I know Seifer is a big jerk, but he said one thing that made sense…I have to go find Zell. I just hope he'll have the heart to forgive me."

Selphie smiled. "You know Zell. He'll forgive anyone…especially _you_."

I began to walk away. Quistis smiled. "Good luck!" She giggled softly to herself.

I walked down the hallway until I found Zell's room. Usually, you could hear music, or people, just by walking up to a door, but there was dead silence behind Zell's. I took a deep breath, and softly knocked on the door. There was no answer, and the door was open, so I let myself in.

"Hello? Zell?" I said softly as I looked around the dorm. I saw that Zell's bedroom door was closed, so I knocked on it. 

"Go away." I heard Zell say softly from inside. He was obviously depressed. I let myself in and saw Zell laying on his bed, facing the wall. "I wanna be alone." He said again, dejected. I didn't leave, and he sensed it. "I _SAID_…" He whirled around, obviously thinking that it was Irvine or Quistis or somebody. When he saw me standing there, he changed his expression from angry to embarrassed. "Ri-Rinoa?" He asked me in disbelief, smiling softly. "Um…hi."

I looked into Zell's eyes. There was a blur of emotions flying through them. "I…well, I heard from Dr. Kadowaki and Quistis that you were…well, kinda, not in a good mood." 

"I'm good now. I was just worried bout you."

"Well, um…." I looked at the ground. "I just wanna say that…I'm…sorry." I ran up to Zell and threw my arms around him. "I'm just so sorry!! Please, forgive me, Zell! I was so dumb to throw you out like I did." My eyes started to water, and I began to whimper. "I realized that we both felt differently, and I never meant to hurt you. You don't have to forgive me…but I just want you to know I'm sorry."

At first, Zell just stood there as I had my arms around his neck, crying into his chest, but he wrapped his arms around me. "Rinoa, Rinoa, relax…I forgive you. I understand how you felt when I said that." He laughed softly to himself. "Guess the 'I love you' thing _was_ a bit too early…..I mean, you know…" Zell hugged me tighter. "I've always been like that…sayin stuff, doin stuff that's a little too…well, out of place."

"Zell…" I said, in between sobs. "I-I….I…" He looked at me when I couldn't say it, but I finally blurted it out. "I love you, Zell Dincht." I looked up at him. Zell was almost dumbfounded.

"Re-really?" He asked me. But he didn't say it skeptically, as I said it. He said it…_hopefully_. I saw his eyes water. 

I smiled. "Yeah. I _do _love you. I just….didn't want to say it. I mean, Squall died, and he was the only person that I ever really loved. When he was gone, you had enough heart to even bother to reach out…and I thought it was just a friend thing, until you said…what you said." There was an awkward pause. "Well?" I asked him, beaming.

He looked confused. "Well…..what?"

"Do you love me, too?" I smiled up at him, but when I saw him smile in return, I almost cried for some reason.

There was a tear in his eye. "…of _course_ I do. I love you." He sighed, relieved. "I love you, Rinoa. So damn _much_…I just…." We both laughed at the awkwardness of this situation. 

I didn't know what to say…but I knew what to do. Softly, I leaned up and kissed Zell. At first, he was too shocked to even react to me, but when he did, I felt the sparks. They completely took me by surprise. After a moment, I broke the kiss and just looked into his eyes. "You know….I've never seen you like this."

He looked at me funny. "Huh?"

"No…I mean…." I paused. "I've always seen you as this hot dog eating, tough talking, annoying, clumsy boy I was friends with through Squall. Not amazingly close, but good friends. Now…you're the exact opposite of everything that I ever saw. I'm realizing, you're just so…wonderful. I don't know why you're not _always_ like this."

Zell was taken away by what I said. For the first time, he was almost speechless. "You…really think that? I'm _wonderful_?"

"Uh-huh." I took his hand. "Now c'mon. We have to find the others."

"Aiight."

We walked down the hallway, arm in arm. Students looked at us like we were doing something wrong. I was a bit embarrassed, but I understood they were probably confused about what they were seeing. First they saw me in my pajamas, now this…they must've really thought I was going nuts.

Zell and I had to look around for Quistis, Selphie, and Irvine, but we found them outside the library. They were a bit taken back by seeing Zell and I holding hands, as they've never seen us together like that. 

"Hi!" I said cheerfully to them.

Irvine was smiling. "Rinoa! Hey!" He came up to me and hugged me, and I was taken aback. I remembered that he didn't see me since I passed out. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." I pulled away from him. "So…what's up?"

Quistis shook her head. "Nothing much. We were going to the cafeteria. Wanna come?"

"Of course!" Zell smiled. 

"Here we go!" Selphie giggled, knowing the way Zell loved his hot dogs. _When you see a totally different side of Zell, he comes back with his equally big passion for hot dogs. Hyne... _I said to myself. He took my hand and we all walked down the hall behind Quistis, Selphie, and Irvine. 

"I'm so hungry…" I whispered to myself. "I need food!"

Zell laughed. "Yeah, when was the last time you really sat down to eat something? You're gonna get sick, ya know."

"I'm not worrying about it, Zell."

"Well, you should…you're thin enough." 

I shook my head, smiling. Zell squeezed my hand. We walked into the cafeteria right at noon, when the majority of the students had their lunch break. The five of us, with luck, found a place to sit in the corner. It was tight, but it worked. I sat on the end, next to Zell. He kept grabbing my left hand and tracing his fingers up and down my palm. It was cute, then it got annoying. 

"Stop!" I whined.

He looked at me, shocked. "What?" 

Quistis was looking at us, smiling. She sat across from me, and kicked my foot. "Come here." I was surprised, and she grabbed my arm and we walked outside the cafeteria for a moment. "Just out of curiosity…did you tell him about your Seifer dream?"

"My Seifer dream? No…why should he have to worry about a stupid dream? It never meant a thing…just like Seifer doesn't mean anything to me. I hate him."

"You _really_ feel that way about your first love, Rinoa?" I spun around at the unfamiliar voice. It was none other then Seifer, listening in. Fuujin and Raijin weren't with him. "Gee, and I thought you just _disliked_ me. Hate is such a _strong_ word, don't you think?"

"Not strong enough, I'm afraid." Quistis grinned fakely at him.

"Instructor, don't get involved between two of your students. This is just her and me." He looked at me with hungry eyes. "Rinoa…"

"What?" I glared at him. "If this isn't important, then leave me alone."

He took my hand tightly, and I couldn't shake him off. "I need you, you know…even since we split, I knew I made a huge mistake."

I laughed at him. "Then you'll just have to live with it. That was years ago."

Seifer shook his head and pulled me closer to him. "Why can't you just forget Zell…forget Squall--Hyne, he's _dead_--and come with me? It's not that hard!"

"Seifer--" Quistis began, but he ignored her.

"You're _sick_, Seifer!" I yelled at him. "I _hate_ you, and I _don't_ want to be with you! Don't you understand? Love isn't what you think it is!"

"Then what the hell is it?" He yelled back at me. His eyes were changing, and I was afraid. Quistis disappeared, probably to go get Zell and Irvine. Seifer suddenly smiled, and it made my stomach turn. "We thought we knew…didn't we?"

"_Thought…_you never know for sure." I tried to pull myself away from him. "Could you just get away from me?" He wouldn't leave. "Let go! Hyne!"

"No…" He started to drag me away from the cafeteria. "Come with me, Rin…we belong together, and deep down I know you know that."

I was terrified now, and I punched him as hard as I could. He was dragging me towards the Parking Lot. _Dark, no one there…oh, Hyne! _"Seifer! Please!" Seifer was just too strong, and I couldn't break free. And, of _all_ times, there wasn't another student in sight. "Someone help!"

Everything that happened next was such a blur. I was being dragged against my will to the Parking Lot, when suddenly I turned around and saw Zell, Quistis, and Selphie. Zell ran towards Seifer, I screamed, and Seifer flung me to the ground. Selphie ran over to me and helped me up while Seifer and Zell just stood there, staring each other down.

"Hyne, what is your problem, man?" Zell demanded angrily. "Can't you get it through your head that any kinda thing you and Rinoa had is over?"

Seifer just laughed. "Chicken-Wuss, I'll probably be saying that same damn thing to you in a few weeks." Zell was confused. "I love Rinoa…I have for years, and you practically just met her." He took a few steps towards Zell. "You might think I'm stupid--crazy, even-- but one thing I do know is that you _don't_ just fall in love in two weeks."

I looked at Seifer. "Seifer…how would you know?"

He looked me over and smiled. "…just take my word for it, Rinoa." 

All of us were in shock. Why was Seifer so mellow all of a sudden? He looked each of us in the eye once, spending an especially long time glaring at Zell, and retreated.

"…what just happened?" Selphie looked at Quistis. "I think that Seifer just had a mental breakdown."

"I almost pity him…" Quistis trailed off. "I thought he'd be more hostile than he was…"

"You think it has anything to do with Squall?" I whispered. Everyone looked at me. "I mean…even though they were rivals, do you think there was any basis of a friendship?"

"I don't know." Quistis crinkled her eyebrows.

Zell was just standing there, staring in the direction that Seifer left. "I don't get it…why was he makin' advances to Rinoa just to say a few words and leave?"

"Look…" I began, "why don't we just forget about all of this and go? What's the point of trying to analyze this?"

"You're right." Zell walked over to me. "Hyne, I never even asked you how you were…I'm sorry."

"Don't sweat it." I grinned and hugged him. "I'll be fine…I'm just glad you're here." Then, I added, "You should worry about yourself more than me."

He kissed my forehead and looked at me with his cerulean eyes. "Rin…all I need to worry about is you."

Suddenly, I felt the inquisitive eyes of Quistis and Selphie. Selphie was stunned by our little display of affection. "Wow."

Quistis covered her mouth and was staring before she realized what she was doing. "Oh, Hyne…I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not used to…this."

"Wow," Selphie repeated. 

Zell laughed. "I guess we'll be going now…"

"I guess so," I replied. "We'll see you tomorrow, OK?"

"Sure," Quistis and Selphie said at the same time. 

Zell and I left arm in arm. We never had any thoughts about what just happened, but we also never realized that that was the last time that we would ever see Seifer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER FIVE

It was dusk by the time everything had happened, so according to Garden law we had to be in the dormitory unless we had a legit reason not to. Of course, that didn't mean that the students had to be in their dorms, so there were still people roaming around when Zell and I arrived. 

My dorm was pretty close to Zell's, so we were heading in the same direction (only four doors down and across the hall from each other). His was closer, so when we reached his door I started to say my good-byes. 

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "Ya know…it's still early, if you wanna just hang out…or, um…something."

"Something?" I grinned. "Well…I don't have anything better to do but sleep. Guess I could."

"Great!" Zell opened his door and let me in. For a seventeen-year-old boy, he was really pretty neat. I had to laugh. "…what?"

"It's nothing…" I jumped onto his bed. "So…what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno…just hang out." He jumped right next to me. "I was gonna ask you a question before, but I forgot."

"Really? What?"

He paused. "Well, um…whatever happened between you and Seifer?"

"Me and Seifer?" I repeated, reluctant to answer his question. "Uh…we--just happened. I don't really know."

"But…what happened? Like, while you were with him?" He looked at my face. "Rinoa, you don't really have to answer me--"

"Nah, it's OK." I laid my head down on Zell's pillow. "We were…perfect. Seifer was the sweetest guy when we first met, believe it or not. It only took…two weeks." I paused. Zell was listening intently, laying down right next to me. "We were only a summer romance. I was just getting over some tough times with my dad, and it just happened. Um…I thought it could've been something more…and I told Seifer that. But we got into this huge argument about love and stuff and split."

"Did you really love him, though?"

I nodded. "I think I did…it's hard to tell in just a few weeks. Seifer just dropped me, and I remember promising myself that I wouldn't let myself go again." I laughed. "Love is my weakness."

"Really? And that's why you didn't wanna get involved with me?"

"That's exactly it."

Zell laughed. "Well, I dunno if I should take that as a compliment or an insult."

"It had nothing to do with you, Zell. It's me. I mean…you'd think that since Squall and I were so much in love that I wouldn't be here right now. Love's weird like this, I guess."

"Yeah…lemme be a little honest here, Rinoa." Zell paused. "I always, sorta…had a thing…for you, I guess." He grinned at himself. "So, like, when Squall died, I almost felt like I was takin' advantage of ya…and I still do feel like that."

I shook my head. "No…don't be that way, Zell." I gazed into his beautiful eyes and kissed his cheek. "I'm just so surprised that I love you the way that I do."

He blushed. "Ah, Rin…" Zell stroked my cheek with the back of his hand before leaning over to kiss me. When I felt his lips against mine, I smiled and threw my left arm around his neck. Slowly, he began to trace his lips down from my lips, my chin…and onto my neck. It was a great feeling, but I felt awkward. I stroked the back of his head with my hand, savoring it, but then Zell tried to slide my duster from my shoulders.

"Zell…" I grabbed his hand. "I-I can't do…_that_."

I could tell that he was thoroughly embarrassed. "Oh, Hyne…Rinoa, I'm sorry!"

"No, no…it's OK." I snuggled up against his chest. "This is all I need from you."

"Are you sure?" He asked, jokingly.

"Oh, shut up." I laughed. "Meanie."

"You know I'd never push anything on ya. Especially myself." I giggled. "How unfair would that be?"

"Yeah…" Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" I yelled.

"Selphie!"

Zell got up and answered the door. "Hey, Selph!"

"Hi! I was just lookin for Rin…um…if you still need to say your 'farewells' then I won't stop you." She giggled.

"Thanks." He closed the door and jumped back on the bed. 

"Duty calls." I stroked his cheek with my hand. 

"Nothing I can do to stop it?"

"Nope."

"Really?" He started to kiss my cheek and wrapped his right arm around my waist. "Pretty please?"

"Selphie's waiting…" I giggled.

He looked into my eyes. "With _you_ on top?"

I smiled, stunned. "Zell! Don't say things like that!" 

"OK…" He led me to the door. "Guess I'll see ya tomorrow, then…"

"I guess." I kissed him one last time, short and sweet, before leaving. Selphie was standing outside the door. "Selphie!"

"What?" She was grinning uncontrollably. "I won't tell."

"What are you talking about…?" I slapped myself in the forehead. "Damn! Zell must not have closed the door all the way."

"Yeah…and we all saw it!" 

I blushed. " _'We all?'_ "

Selphie nodded. "Yup. Me, Quistis, Irvine, Nida, and Xu." I looked around for them and saw all four of them, laughing hysterically at the end of the hallway. "We won't say anything."

"How much did you, uh, see?"

"Everything after the 'Zell always had a thing for you' part."

"Oh, Hyne…that _was_ everything."

"Rinoa…don't worry about it. I actually think it's kinda cute." She pointed a finger at me. "Just don't go too far, all right?"

I rolled my eyes, knowing what she meant. "Who do you think I am?"

"Well, you can never be too careful." She smiled. "I have to go, OK? Go get some sleep! Booyaka!" She bounded down the hallway, and I walked into my dorm.

I jumped into bed and slid the covers all the way up to my chin. Yeah, I had such a wonderful time, but I couldn't help but feel guilty about what we did…or at least attempted to do. Did I _really_ feel love for Zell? Or was I just leading him on? Was Seifer right? I still loved Squall with all of my heart and soul, but is it possible to love two guys like that at the same time? Or was I just cheating on Squall because he was dead, and I couldn't be alone? All of these things swirled around in my head as I drifted off to a sound sleep. It would all come to me in the morning.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

__

A/N: Seifer may come off as a little OOC, but that's for two reasons:

A) Well, it's gonna be explained in the next chapter.

B) It kinda ties to the central idea/theme of the story.


	6. Diamonds and Emeralds

****

"Love And Disloyalty"

CHAPTER SIX

I awoke to the sunlight flooding into my room and warming my face. My blankets were pulled up snugly over my body. There was only one person who would've done that for me. I hugged the blanket to my chest, then flipped them off and hopped out of bed. Laying on my dresser was a note written on bright yellow paper.

__

Rinoa,

Meet me at the Ballroom at 8 tonight.

Love,

You-Know-Who J 

It was obviously from Zell. _I wonder what he wants…_I thought as I pocketed the note. I walked to my radio and put my favorite CD on. "Eyes On Me" started to play softly. When I would have cried over every note, but now I smiled when I heard it. Slowly, I pretended I was dancing with a guy and I waltzed around the room. My door swung open and Irvine walked in. I didn't notice him until I waltzed over in his direction. He was looking at me funny. I stopped and turned red.

"Oh…I didn't even realize you walked in."

Irvine laughed. "Sorry…I didn't mean to scare you. I would've said something, but you looked like you were having fun."

"I was." I smiled. "What's up?"

"I wanted to ask if you wanted to go to Balamb today."

"Sure, I'll go!" I nodded excitedly. "I'll see you in a few, OK?"

"Great! Whenever you're ready, all right?"

"OK!" He left, and I sighed. I was looking forward to spending the day in the city. Just when I was about to get ready to go, however, I realized I fell asleep in my clothes from the past night. I debated wearing them again, but I decided not to, changed into clothes that basically looked the same, and ran down to the front gate.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I was the first one to arrive. "Hello?" I said to no one, knowing no one was there, so I hung around and waited. I saw Zell arrive after a few minutes. "Hey!" I shouted, waving my hands in the air. He smiled and ran towards me. "So, where's everyone?" I asked him. 

Zell shrugged. "Dunno. We should go ahead….if they don't show up in a few minutes."

"Really?" I looked to see if anyone was coming. "Alright, I guess so. It's not like they'd get lost on the way there if we're not with them."

We stood around and waited for a half hour, but no one came. Zell was getting impatient. "Ah, let's just go. Is that alright?"

I nodded. "But, isn't a long way to walk?"

"Yeah. That's why I got my T-Board." I couldn't help but hug him, because I always loved T-Boards. Although I never had one, I always rode my friends'. Zell whistled and I saw the T-Board flying towards us. It stopped short and we had to walk to it. "Here ya go," Zell said as he offered his hand to me.

"I'm quite capable, thanks." I said, smiling. In fact, I helped Zell up.

"So…you know what to do?" He asked me. I nodded. "Well, alright. Let's go." The T-Board started up a bit, then stopped. I felt my feet slipping and I almost fell off, but Zell grabbed my waist. "Don't fall." He grinned at me and we were smooth sailing out of Balamb Garden.

On the way, I remembered the note Zell had written me. "Hey…" I yelled over the noise of the T-Board. "Hey, what are you going to show me tonight in the ballroom?"

Zell looked at me while trying to concentrate on the road. "…what are you talking about?"

"Didn't you write that note?"

"What note?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing." I lied. It bothered me that Zell didn't write it. _Maybe it was a prank of Selphie's or something, _I thought and put it out of my mind. The ride started to get rocky and Zell pulled me a bit closer to him so I wouldn't fall. All of a sudden, the T-Board stopped short and sent Zell and I flying across the road. Zell lost grip of my waist and I screamed. I landed hard on my back in a ditch. Faintly, I heard Zell fall, but I didn't hear his voice.

At first, I couldn't move or speak because I was in shock. Everything, from the tip of my head to my toes, was completely numb. Then, the pain went shooting through my body. I screamed in agony and closed my eyes. When I thought I was going to pass out from the excruciating pain, a pair of strong arms picked me up gingerly. "Zell?" I said softly, eyes still closed. The person didn't answer, but I didn't have the energy to fight him, so I felt my body fall completely limp. 

Suddenly, I was laying on the pavement and the mysterious person was walking away. "Hey!" I yelled faintly and opened my eyes, but the person left as mysteriously as he came. I was still in pain, but I forced myself to sit up and looked around. "Zell?" I yelled, fearing the worst. I didn't get an answer. The pain was getting unbearable, and I laid back down, crying. _Zell can't be…no…. _I thought.

"Lookin for me?" I heard an all too familiar voice. Zell! As much as I wanted to sit up, I couldn't. I could hear his feet against the pavement as he ran to me. "Are you OK?" He asked nervously. "Hyne…"

I tried to shake my head. "No…" Softly and slowly so he wouldn't hurt me, Zell picked me up. I could tell he was trying to stay calm so I wouldn't freak, but he was having a tough time holding it together.

"Don't worry. Balamb is only a little while away." He cradled me close to him and started to run towards his hometown. I felt his nervous heartbeat, and it made me feel a little better to know he was so close. "How are you?" He asked me.

"Right now…" I began, "In a _lot_ of pain." Zell held me a little tighter. "But I'll gonna be alright, thanks to you."

I saw him smile. "Well…now I know…." He began, out of breath from running, "Why…..T-Boards aren't…allowed in Garden…I mean, look at ya…I'm so sorry, Rinoa. I'm so sorry…"

We traveled the rest of the way in silence. Between Zell's running and my pain, we didn't feel like talking. It was OK though, because I knew how Zell felt. He didn't need to say a word. 

I knew we were in Balamb when I smelled the salty sea air all ocean towns have. The sea birds also gave it away with their loud squawking. I smiled faintly at the surroundings. Zell stopped running and softly put me down by his house. 

"Hold on," He told me. "Gotta catch my….breath." When he took a few deep breaths, he collapsed next to me. "Rinoa…how are you feeling?" He asked me.

I looked warmly at him. "All right. Where are you taking me?"

"Um…" Zell looked around. "Wherever." 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw what I didn't expect--Quistis, Selphie, and Irvine! "Look." I said weakly pointing to them. Quistis saw us first and began to run us.

"Oh, sweet Hyne!" She yelled when she saw me, battered and bruised. "Rinoa! Are you guys OK?" I nodded weakly. "Zell…" She began. "We have to take her somewhere."

Zell picked me up. "I can take her inside my house." He looked at me. "Is that all right with you, Rinoa?"

"I don't care. I'm hurting." We were already right outside the door, so Zell ran down the steps and burst in his house. 

Mrs. Dincht ran to the door, ready to defend her house, but when she saw a battered Zell carrying an equally battered me, her expression softened. "Oh my! What happened?" She walked up to me and Zell. "Are you two all right? Do you need a doctor, anything?"

"It was my T-Board, Ma." Zell said softly, staring at the floor. She looked at him, disappointed. "It was the quickest way to get here. I'm so sorry. Now 'cause of me, look what happened." I could hear him sigh. "I'm so sorry…"

"Don't worry about it now, Zell. Come on." Mrs. Dincht led the way to Zell's room. He put me down on his bed, and Mrs. Dincht told him to go get some stuff from the store. Reluctant to leave me, he walked out the door. "Poor dear…" Mrs. Dincht said to me once Zell left. "I know his expression."

"Has this ever happened before?" I asked softly.

She nodded and sat next to me. "Yes. He got in trouble once before like this with his T-Board. You wouldn't believe how bad he felt. In fact, he locked himself in his room for two days." Mrs. Dincht sat next to me. "Those things are so dangerous…they're only meant for one person."

"It's all right. I don't blame Zell for anything." I sat up. "It wasn't his fault. I hope he doesn't think that, though…" 

"Zell has always been…I guess I could say sensitive to other people, especially the ones he truly loves, although the way he acts covers that up quite well." She sighed. "He should be coming back soon. The store is only down the street."

As if by cue, Zell opened the door with a bag in his hand. He walked over and put it on his desk. "Ma…" he began.

Mrs. Dincht knew what he wanted to do. "I'm already out the door." She said and walked out of the room.

I smiled. "Hi. What's in the bag?"

Zell took a potion out of the bag and handed it to me. "Here you go." His eyes didn't gaze into mine as they usually did. In fact, he couldn't even look me in the face.

"Are you OK?" I asked him. Slowly, I got up and walked over to him. 

Zell turned to face me, but he still didn't look at me. "Are you mad at me, Rin?"

He suddenly looked like a little kid to me. My heart broke for him. I shook my head. "No. It wasn't your fault, Zell." I stood up jumped up and down. "See? I'm fine. Don't worry."

"No….it _is_ my fault. I wanted to take the stupid T-Board, and I got you hurt. Me, too…but that doesn't matter." He sat down and put his head in my hands. "And this wasn't even my idea to come to Balamb. It was all Irvine's idea."

"Excuse me?" I sat next to him.

"Irvine an' the others wanted to come to Balamb. You know, just to hang out for a day. And he came up with this _brilliant_ idea that me and you should go ahead without them and they'd meet us there. He thought we should…well, get closer or whatever."

I giggled. Zell looked up at me for the first time. "Why did you even take his advice? It's almost _always_ wrong." I grinned at him.

"So…you're _not_ mad at me?" I shook my head. "Really?" His eyes lit up like two blue lanterns and he kissed my cheek softly. "Thanks." He grabbed my hand. "C'mon. I have somethin I wanna show ya."

"What?" Zell didn't answer me, but he led me down the stairs, out of the house and into the streets. "What is it?" I asked again.

We walked over to where all the boats were docked, floating lazily in the harbor. "Close your eyes." He told me. I did as I was told and Zell took my hand. "Here. Let me pick you up." He lifted me up and into a boat. I was smiling from ear to ear. Zell jumped in after me and took my hand. "I'm going to take you somewhere on the boat, but you have to keep your eyes closed, OK?" I nodded and he led me to the inside of the boat. "Now you can open them. I'll be right back. But don't come out of the room."

I opened my eyes as Zell left. In front of me was a cute little cabin. It was nothing spectacular, but it was really nice, and I smiled at Zell's thoughtfulness. Suddenly, the boat began to move and I fell on the floor, laughing at myself. 

Zell didn't come back for a little while, but when he did, I was still on the floor. When he saw me, he smiled and took my hand. "Here's what I wanted to show you. Close your eyes again." Zell led me up on deck and to the front of the ship. "OK…open them."

I did as I was told and opened my eyes. We were out in the ocean at dusk. The moon and an infinite amount of stars hung in the sky and were glowing brightly on the water. The sky was a beautiful bluish black velvety color. Balamb was small in the distance. I gasped at the beautiful view. "Oh, Zell…you certainly went out of your way." I hugged him. "This is…too nice…"

"I'm glad you like it." He looked up at the moon. "I always liked to come out here to think….you know, like when we just finished a mission, or when I was feelin' alone. Now, I have someone to share it with." Zell drew me closer to him. He felt nice, because it was awfully cold. The wind was whipping my hair around my face, and it didn't do much for temperature.

"Zell…this is the most thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me. It's wonderful." I kissed him lightly on his lips. "I love this…and I love _you_." He turned a glowing pink in the moonlight. Suddenly the wind picked up a little. "We should go inside." I took his hand and we went into the little cabin.

Zell walked over to a radio. "Do you want some music or something?" I shook my head. 

The moon was still visible from inside. I shut all the lights off in the cabin and sat by the window. Without the lights, it glowed brighter. "This is so nice, Zell." He sat next to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I felt his heart beating fast and I looked in his eyes. "I don't think it can get any better than this."

He held me tighter. "Can it?" He kissed me on my lips…a fiery, wonderfully passionate kiss. I wrapped my arms around his chest and snuggled closer to him. Being this close made me feel so good…so safe. Zell broke the kiss for a moment a took a quick breath, grinning. "I guess it can." 

I caught him off guard by kissing him again. We started to laugh and I purposely fell backwards, just so Zell would embrace me and pull me up, closer to him. Our kisses broke and I looked into his eyes. They were shining as bright as the moon, and I'm sure mine were too. Impulsively, I began to slide my duster from my shoulders. However, instead of enjoying the moment, Zell touched my shoulder and pulled the duster back up. He completely stopped and sat upright, leaving me confused. 

"What's wrong?" I asked him. He looked pale in the moonlight.

"It's-it's not you…It's just…" He put his head in his hands. "Damn…I ain't comfortable with this, Rinoa." I looked at him, puzzled. "I mean…._Squall_…and _you_. He was my _best_ friend, an' I'm makin out with his girlfriend now." He stared at the floor. "I just don't know…" Zell sighed. "I love you Rinoa, I really, truly do…but….."

"_But_…" I repeated softly. "Why is it the 'but' that'll always cause trouble?"

Zell shrugged. "Dunno. It always does though…" He looked in my eyes. "Rinoa, are you comfortable with me?"

"Huh?" The question caught me off guard. "Um….yeah. I've always been comfortable with you. I have nothing to worry about when I'm with you…I love you."

"But do you ever think of Squall?"

It was that _'but' _again. "Well…I can't help but think about what he would say about me now that we're together. Yes, I do think of him. A lot. But not when we're kissing. Not when we're close." I sighed.

"Oh." There was a long moment of awkward silence.

"Did you write that note on my dresser this morning?" It was worth bringing up again.

"A note? No, I didn't."

"Are you _sure?_ It was on bright yellow paper…"

"Positive. I didn't write a note."

"Oh. I thought you did."

Zell looked confused. "What was in it?"

I hesitated. "Um…it said….to meet the person who wrote the note in the ballroom at 8 tonight." I looked out the window at the starry night sky. "Who wrote it? I'm thinking Selphie might have wrote it as a joke…I don't know."

"She probably did." I could tell from his tone that Zell was kind of jealous that someone tried to take me away from him…even if it _was_ just a little note. "Well, we should get going, right?" I nodded. "All right, let's go." Before he left, he walked up to me and softly traced my face with his hand. "Sorry."

"It's all right." I watched him go and drive the boat back to Balamb. I knew how he felt. It was so soon…so sudden….the other day, we were friends, and now we're in love? I wanted to tell him how I felt, so I opened the door onto the windy deck. Zell was standing at the front of the boat. "Zell?" I asked him.

Zell turned around. "What's up?"

I sighed. "Look, Zell….don't you feel that this is all….sudden?" He nodded slowly. "I mean…._Squall_….it was only, not even a month ago." I put my hand to my head. "Oh boy…Zell, I'm sorry. We just have to slow things down…a lot…"

"I understand." I looked at him. "Really, I do. Did you think I was gonna go all crazy on you or something?" He smiled. "I thought…that was what you wanted…"

"You did?" 

"Yeah."

I closed my eyes. Zell deserved an explanation of why I took things so fast. "Zell…I need to explain…"

"Explain what? Ya don't need to explain anything."

"Yes, I do." I sighed. "Zell…I know you thought going fast was what I wanted. I only acted the way I did because…well, cause Squall told me to." Zell looked at me, completely puzzled. "In dreams…you know how real things are, right? Squall…he came to me. He told me…that it's what he wanted."

He almost looked skeptical, but there was a curious glint in his eyes. "What did he want?"

"He thought you and I were meant for each other…he wanted to see us together." I remembered the dream vividly. "Squall told me to…go to you. I'd see him soon…." The wind picked up and I felt my hair blowing around my face. "Zell…I'm so sorry. I didn't tell you…"

Zell looked away from me. "No…you don't have to be sorry, Rinoa….I know how you feel…I had the same dream."

"What?" There was no way…

"Yeah. I did. Well…not exactly the same. Squall told me I'd always be his best friend and I could be there for you in a way he couldn't be…." Even in the glow of the moon, I saw a tear form in Zell's eye.

I walked up to Zell. There was nothing I could say…I had no words. Zell wrapped his arms around me. Both of us knew that there was nothing we could say to each other to feel any better. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was getting dark and really cold on the water, so Zell and I decided to leave. We didn't talk to each other on the ride back to shore. I got off the minute we reached land and I waited for Zell.

"Do you have the time?" I asked him.

"7:30," He replied.

"Oh." Deep inside, I wanted to go back to Garden and go straight to the Ballroom and see who was waiting for me. But my mind was telling me not to abandon Zell.

He knew what I was thinking though. "Hey, you can go." He told me softly.

"Huh?" I looked at him.

"I said you could go. I know you want to see whoever's waiting for you."

I sighed. "But I wouldn't feel right."

Zell looked in my eyes. "Rinoa…I want you to go. I'm not gonna hold you back…I trust you. Please." He held out his hand to me.

Hesitantly, I took it and kissed his cheek. "All right." Then I turned and started to run. 

"Good luck!" Zell yelled to me. I barely heard him, because I was running as fast as I could. The Rent-A-Cars were expensive, and I wasn't good with a T-Board, so I ran….and ran…and ran. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Amazingly enough, I reached Garden just as they were about to close the Front Gate. Nida was standing there as I stumbled up to him.

"Rinoa!" He yelled. Quickly he opened it and let me inside. "Where were you?"

I shook him off and leaned against a wall. "Balamb. I…um, forgot something." I started to run again, leaving Nida puzzled and hopelessly confused. _I'll have to apologize to him later. _I made a note in my mind as I ran into the main hall. It was quiet and dark. Moonlight flooded in from a few windows and gave the halls an eerie glow as I ran. I turned a few corners and found myself standing in front of the doors that lead into the ballroom. "It's now or never." I told myself. Silently, I opened the doors and slipped into the ballroom. 

The middle of the room was flooded with moonlight, and everywhere else was completely pitch black. I walked quickly into the light and looked around. There were no signs of anybody. The only sounds were my breath and my heart. 

"Hello?" I turned around to look at my surroundings. No one was there. 

Suddenly, I heard footsteps. I glanced around, but no one else was in sight. "Hello?" I yelled. "Who's here?"

"Rinoa, you came." I whirled around. My eyes met a handsome young man. He had stormy blue eyes, spiky short brown hair….he was very bruised, and looked physically exhausted. Still… 

I looked closely at him. "No…it can't be you…"

The man walked up to me. "I saw you…riding the T-Board…with Zell. I saved you." He smiled warmly at me. I felt as if my world was just picked up and shaken like a snowglobe.

At that moment, I knew I wasn't dreaming. My eyes watered and tears streamed down my face. "SQUALL!!!" I shouted and ran to him. My teardrops stained his white shirt. "You…came to me." I sobbed and flung my arms around him. "Oh, Hyne…Squall, I never got to tell you I love you. I missed you…" I took a deep breath to try and compose myself, but it was useless. "I love you, I love you! Squall!"

Squall held me in the tightest embrace, and I could've sworn that I heard him start to cry.. "You told me in a dream. You told me you loved me." He held me even tighter. "Rinoa, you knew I would never leave you. But I just never knew if I'd see you again." His voice started to break. Squall rested his chin on the top of my head. 

A shooting star glittered through the sky. We both looked up at it. Then, my eyes met his. "You'll never know how much I missed you." I told him.

"There's nothing to discuss about me. I didn't see anyone else but you, yet.…so….I want to know about you and Zell before I hear about it from _anyone_ else."

My heart and mind froze. _Zell!_ I completely forgot about him once I laid my eyes on Squall. "…Zell?" Squall nodded. "Um…well, we weren't all that serious." I lied. I didn't want to, but what else was there to say? "I liked him for a while." Squall looked at me doubtfully…..he _knew_. I sighed and looked away. "OK, you want the truth? I _love_ Zell. I love him so much. But…" I couldn't look at Squall anymore. He loved _me_ so much…but I loved his best friend just as much as I loved him, if not more. I pushed myself out of his arms and ran down the hall.

"Rinoa!" Squall was yelling to me, but I ignored him. He wouldn't want to be with someone like me. I cheated on him willingly. Forever there would be a scar on our relationship that I wouldn't fix.

As I ran, the tears blinded my eyes. I wasn't looking, and I accidentally knocked someone down. "Owwwww!" I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked at the person who I knocked over.

"_ZELL?_" I shouted in surprise. He nodded and ran his hand through his hair. "Geez, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if you got here OK." He smiled shyly. "I was worried. Cause…you know, you were runnin'…."

"Please, just don't worry about me." I jumped up quickly and ran away from Zell. _Squall…Zell…what's the difference? I'm not good enough for either of them. _

I found myself running towards the Training Center….I didn't know why, it was just that I usually sat in the "Secret Area" and gazed up at the stars when I was in trouble. _Why is this happening to me? I thought Squall was gone for good. Just when I start to put my life back together_, _Squall comes back. I love him so much, but seeing him is tearing me apart! Zell…what am I going to do about Zell? Yeah, I love Zell too…but…Squall means so much more to me. I've only been with Zell for….a little under a month…but I've been with Squall for so much longer….what am I going to do? Zell's moving too _fast_…Squall moved too _slow_…he 'died' and came back….oh….what am I gonna do?_

The tears were streaming down my face. I didn't wipe them…I was just worried about running away…from Squall…from Zell…I stopped running when I reached the "Secret Area." Slowly I tilted over the edge of the balcony and looked down. I pulled myself back up and looked up at the stars. 

There was one star that stood out brighter than the rest. "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight." I whispered softly. "I know you probably won't help me," I told the star, "you never did when I used to do this. Please…help me. I'm confused…Squall, Zell…I didn't _want_ this."

"I didn't know you still did that." I slowly turned around.

"Zell, please…" I began. "I'm not in any mood to see anyone."

He walked up to me, ignoring what I said. "Isn't the moon so….beautiful?" He asked. I looked at him…he seemed to be acting differently. 

"Yeah, it is," I replied gazing up at the sky. I didn't want to take him seriously…he never talked about the moon. "But Zell…please, would you mind? I need a lot of time alone."

Zell shook his head. "No, Rinoa…I gotta say this _now_…" I was about to lose my composure, but he looked at me so sincerely. "Rinoa…do you see the stars?"

I giggled at him. "Of course I do. See?" _What's up with him? _I asked myself in my mind.

"Well…the stars….if I could, I would give every one to _you_." Zell sighed softly. "Rinoa….do you _know_ how much I love you?"

He looked into my eyes. I shook my head. "…No. I don't know."

"I would give you anything you want, Rinoa. The stars…the moon….and it doesn't stop there. I would _die_ for you." I went to walk away, but Zell grabbed my arm softly. "No, _please,_ Rinoa…just answer my one question."

His eyes were pleading me to stay. "All right….but then, I have to go. Zell…"

Zell smiled and lead me over to the moonlight. It poured into a beam of light in the corner. I looked over at Zell. He looked apprehensive and so nervous, but beaming with happiness and hope at the same time. Then, he looked down and sighed. "Rinoa…this is what I have to say. Right here, right now." I looked at him, confused. "Or else I might never have the courage to say it again."

"Zell….what are you trying to do?"

He answered me by putting his hand in his pocket and taking out something. I didn't know what it was, until he took my hand and slipped something on my finger. It was a huge diamond and emerald engagement ring. I stared at it with round eyes. Zell gazed at me, his lips curled into a soft smile.

"Rinoa….will you marry me?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	7. Into the Black Night

****

"Love And Disloyalty"

~*CHAPTER SEVEN*~

"Rinoa…will you marry me?"

I looked down at the huge ring on my finger. Each jewel was cut wonderfully, and they sparkled when the moonlight hit them. It was possibly the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. However, I could feel my heart stop beating with every glance I took at the ring…because I knew the answer that I had to give Zell.

"Zell…I-I can't…" I took the ring off my finger and held it tightly in my palm. Then, I looked up at Zell. There were so many different emotions on his face…but the one that showed the most was pain. A pain I couldn't describe. Like someone stabbed him through the heart with a dagger. 

"…" He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. "…what?" He asked, dejectedly, in almost a whisper. His ocean-blue eyes didn't sparkle like they usually did…they were dull and melancholy.

"Please…Zell…I wish you knew…my-my….." I started to cry. "My feelings." Zell looked at me in complete disbelief. "You don't…you don't know…"

Zell shut his eyes tight, as to shut out the tears from flowing down his face. "I love you." I went to touch his face, but he pulled away from me. "…no."

"Zell…you don't know how I feel. I love you very much…but…I can't. We're _seventeen! _I'm just getting over the death of someone I loved very much. Then, something else…just happened before...It's just….so much stress. You don't know…"

"Stress for _you_?" Zell's voice became a lot louder. "It's not just stressful on you, Rinoa! Whatabout _me_? And Quistis? Irvine? Selphie? Whatabout them? We grew up with Squall! WE know the same stress that you do!"

"And then again…you don't." I looked behind me, because I sensed someone else's presence…but there was no one there. "I wish you would understand."

"Understand what? That you don't love me as much as I thought you did? That you--""

I looked straight into Zell's eyes. "Squall _isn't_ dead." I whispered. The words came out shaky, and I took a deep breath to try to calm myself.

Zell glared at me angrily. "No. He _is_ dead. For a month, Rin…a month ago."

His words shocked me. He didn't believe me. "I…I thought he was your best friend." I stammered. "You…you wouldn't even care if you believed m-me…" I began to run away…as fast as my legs could take me.

"Rinoa!!" Zell yelled to me, but I didn't want to listen to him. Squall was alive. So…alive.

"Rinoa! Come back!" I heard Zell running after me, but I still didn't listen to him. I looked back to glance at him. Zell was far behind me. "RINOA! WATCH OUT!" I looked straight in time to see a huge T-Rexaur running in my direction.

I screamed. It was heading straight for me, but I had no weapon or GF…I was dead. Memories of the Great Salt Lake flashed through my mind, but this time, I was unarmed and completely defenseless.

"AH!" The huge beast charged at me at a speed that took me by surprise. "Zell!" I screamed…but he wouldn't be able to come in time to help me. The T-Rexaur began to thrash itself around wildly. I couldn't do anything to stop it as its tail hit me in my stomach and practically knocked me unconscious. I could feel myself fly back a few feet and crumple in a small heap, vulnerable to the monster's attacks. "Zell…" I murmured weakly. He didn't hear me.

"Rinoa!" He shouted. I knew he saw me laying there, and he began to sprint in my direction. _Zell can't take him on…_ I whispered in my mind. _He's going to die…_

"My Final Heaven!" I saw Zell jump towards the T-Rexaur and pummel it with an array of powerful blows. The T-Rexaur fell back a few steps and had to regain itself. "Are you all right?!" He started to come towards me, and I saw the concern etched in his expressions. "Rinoa…you're not gonna die, aiight? I promise you."

"…Aiight." I replied softly. He couldn't help but smile. "Watch out!" I shrieked. The T-Rexaur wasn't really interested in me anymore…it wanted Zell. He was pre-occupied with me and didn't realize the monster run up behind him and take hold of his torso with his jaws. His eyes widened in pain as he was being thrashed around. "NO!" I screamed. At first…I thought Zell was surely dead. He looked straight at me and smiled weakly before falling completely limp, like a rag doll. "ZELL!" I was so weak…I couldn't do anything. The T-Rexaur dropped Zell, then came closer and closer to me. I could hear and feel the rumble of its feet. "No…NOO!" The T-Rexaur was only a few feet away…I closed my eyes and waited for my death to come to me…..

"RENZOKUKEN!"

"RRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR….."

"LIONHEART!"

"RAAAAAARRRRROOOOORRRRR……"

I felt a warmth overcome me as I laid there. "Am…I dead?" I asked anyone who was listening, my eyes still closed.

Someone's hand touched my face. "Open your eyes, Rinoa…please, open your eyes." 

My eye's fluttered open. "Squall…" He was kneeling in front of me, his gray-blue eyes

gazing deep into mine. "Oh…Squall…" I felt myself being scooped up into his welcoming

arms. "Thank you." I looked up at him, and out of the corner of my eye…I saw Zell, laying

crumpled on the ground. 

"Oh, Hyne..." I whispered as I jumped up and ran to Zell's side. "ZELL! Zell…please, wake 

up." I touched my hand to his chest. The blood was trickling out into a pool under him, and 

it stained his black T-shirt. There were numerous cuts and scratches all over his face and 

arms. "No…please…_no_." I felt the tears fall from my eyes, and I touched his cheek gently.

Squall ran and knelt down next to me. "Zell…" He whispered. I always knew Squall 

considered Zell his best friend, even though they didn't always get along. "He's not going 

to die."

I shook Zell's shoulders. "Wake up! Wake up Zell…_please_…wake up, damn you!" When he 

didn't react, I shook him harder. The tears from my eyes fell on Zell's pale face. "Wake up! 

I love you! You can't do this to me!" Squall looked at me, a bit stunned.

"You…" He murmured softly, trailing off. "You _love_ him?" A look of astonishment painted 

itself onto his face, and he gazed at me in disbelief.

"…yes." I looked back at Zell and softly I traced his black tattoo with my fingers. "Don't die

Zell…please…" Suddenly, something caught my eye. I looked back, away from Zell, and I 

saw something glittering on the ground. I stumbled to it and picked it up. It was the ring.

Squall walked over to me. "Go get Dr. Kadowaki." I told him quietly. 

"All right." Immediately, Squall jumped up and ran off.

I walked over to Zell's battered body. "Hyne, let this work…" I whimpered, feeling the tears 

coming on. Softly, I took Zell's lifeless, cold hand and put the ring in his palm. Then, I 

clasped my own hands around his and bowed my head, summoning any and all of my 

sorceress power. _If I can use it for _any_ good, let it be for this…_

Suddenly, a warm glow came from inside our hands. There was a bright yellow light, then 

a soft blue light, and a holy white light. I heard soft angelic voices all around me, and I 

they seemed to be telling me exactly what to say…every syllable. "Liberi Fatali…" I 

whispered. "Free Fatal…" There was a bright flash and a deafening scream erupted from 

the voices. I closed my eyes and screamed myself. "Free Fatal!" I felt overwhelmed for a 

moment, then everything stopped. My eyes fluttered open. "Zell…" He was still 

unconscious. "No…" I stroked his hair gingerly, praying in my mind and heart. 

"Where is he?!" It was Doctor Kadowaki. I bowed my head, knowing Squall and the others 

were with him.

"Rinoa!" Squall ran towards me and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. "Is 

Zell…?"

I started to sob. "Yes…." I couldn't finish what I was going to say, but he knew. Squall 

turned me around and I fell into his arms and buried my head in his white shirt. "I didn't get 

to say good-bye…or-or tell him I loved him…" I whispered to myself, tears and sobs

choking my voice..

Doctor Kadowaki got Zell to the Infirmary quickly. I didn't even see her take him away. 

Quistis, Selphie, and Irvine were there, but I didn't get to see them either. They went with

Doctor Kadowaki. Squall and I were left alone, sitting on the cold ground of the Training 

Center. I wished I had said yes to Zell's proposal, even if I didn't mean it…then this 

would never have happened…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

__

Beep….beep…beep….beep….beep….

I was sitting at Zell's side all night in the Infirmary. Doctor Kadowaki told me he was in very critical condition. She was amazed that he lasted the night. _Zell…this is all my fault…if I had only said yes to you…then this wouldn't have happened…I feel so foolish…_

I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I looked up, thinking it was Squall or Selphie. "…_Raijin_?" He nodded. "What are you doing here?" I asked, rather coldly.

"Look…" Raijin looked at Zell in the bed. "I just wanted to tell you that, uh…Seifer left."

"What?" I thought he was playing a joke, and I sighed. _This is no time for this…I don't care._

"He couldn't live with himself, ya know? I know this sounds totally stupid and all, but…he was havin a tough time…ya know?"

I _almost_ felt a pang of sympathy. "What did he ever have a tough time with?"

"Squall…"

"I didn't think that they were friends."

"They never were, ya know? But Seifer did respect him, a-and when he found out that he was alive just before, he felt bad about what he did to you, ya know?"

"So he left Garden, not wanting to face Squall…am I right?"

"Pretty much." Raijin frowned, his dark eyes dull with sadness. "I dunno if this is a good time or not. Didn't know if you cared, ya know?"

"I know…" I looked up at Raijin. "I appreciate the gesture, though."

"Well, I gotta go, ya know? Fuu's probably lookin for me." Before he left, he smiled a little. "I hope that Zell's all right…never wanted to see this." Then he left.

I buried my head in my hands. Although I hated Seifer, it was a shame that he had to leave…but it wasn't something that I really cared about at the time.

Then, I heard the door open again. "It's Squall."

I turned around. "Hi."

Squall sat down in the chair next to me. His face was soft and pale, and he almost looked like a child. "Rinoa…I think I have some explaining to do."

"No, you don't." I leaned my head on his shoulder, and I felt all the comfort that I missed coming back to me. "You're alive. You're really _alive_. I don't need any more of an explanation."

"Yes you do." Squall sighed. "Well…that day when we fought the T-Rexaurs in the Great Salt Lake, I fought for _you_. Secretly, I knew I was going to die. There was no way that we could bring down five T-Rexaurs...that's just common sense. I wanted you to be happy when I was gone, and I saw that you were….or would be…with Zell. But anyway…that's beside the point. One T-Rexaur knocked me out with his tail, and I went flying over the cliff. But, you know how rocky and jagged that cliff is?" 

I nodded. "Yeah…?"

"I landed on an outcropping in the cliff that wasn't very far from the top. Irvine, Quistis, and Selphie assumed I was dead, though. And they couldn't check, either, because they had to retreat to save their own lives. So, I awoke about an hour after they left, and since then…I was trying to get out so I could see you."

Something he said was bothering me. "But…how did you know I would be happy with Zell?" I shook my head. "I never really wanted to be with anyone else but you."

"I felt it. Zell's the best friend I ever had, and I wanted you to have someone I could really trust in case we all got killed." Squall looked at Zell. "How is he anyway?"

"Not much better…"

Squall stood up. "I have to find Quistis. Are you coming?"

I looked at Zell, then at Squall. "I'll be with you in a minute." I watched Squall leave. Reluctantly, I got up myself and started towards the door, taking quiet, short strides. 

"Hey…why are you leaving me, Rin?"

At first, I thought I was hearing things. Zell _wasn't_ consious. I turned around and walked back towards him. Slowly, I sat down, not taking my eyes off of his face.

"Good…you're back…."

"Zell?" I gazed at him in disbelief. 

Suddenly, his eyes fluttered open weakly. "In the flesh…" 

My eyes widened. "I thought…I thought you were…!"

"That fancy spell you did…_that_ saved me…" Zell smiled his infamous little flirty smile. He opened his other hand to me. In it was the ring I put in his hand earlier. He hadn't let it go. "Here…I know Squall's back…I heard 'im…keep it as a gift." I wouldn't take it. "Rinoa…I'm giving it to you. Take it." Hesitantly, I took it and slipped it on my finger. "No…put it on that chain of yours."

I took the chain off my neck and slipped the ring on it. "Zell…I missed you so much. I was so afraid for you…"

Zell looked over at my chain. "Gee…that looks nice there, Rinoa." He sighed. "So…I guess this means we're over, huh? It's the end of the road."

"What?"

"Us. _Love_. Zell Dincht and Rinoa Heartilly. Or Rinoa Dincht if you had said yes before." He sighed. "That has an awful nice ring to it…"

The thought that Zell and I couldn't see each other again hurt my heart. "As much as I hate to say it…I think so." I held the new ring on my chain in my palm, and I tried a shaky grin. "But it's not over until we have that one last kiss." I leaned over and kissed Zell on the forehead lightly.

"That's _it_? After all the kisses and times we spent, we end it with a kiss on the _forehead_?" He joked. I nodded. "Oh. Well, that was just as good as any." He paused. "Ya know, I'm surprised Squall isn't pissed at the two of us…if I were him, I'd be kinda mad."

"I'd be too if it was you and him."

"_HEY!_ What are you getting at?" 

I giggled. "I see you're feeling a bit better."

Zell smiled. "Yup." He sat up a little. I leaned over and kissed him softly on his lips. There was that bright spark, as always. It was sweet…but so final.

The kiss lasted for a few seconds. When I pulled away from him, my eyes were still closed. "Now…it's over." I whispered. I opened my eyes when I felt Zell touch my cheek with the back of his hand. Then, he flipped his legs over the side of the bed. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Gettin up. Sheesh, Rinoa." He stood up and I took his arm so he wouldn't fall because of his injuries, but he seemed quite capable. Then, we started to walk to the door.

"You know Rinoa…" Zell began, "I learned a lot being with you."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yup. I learned…well, a whole bunch of stuff."

"Like what?"

"Hmm…" Zell stopped walking. "How to kiss. I had my first kiss with you." I giggled.

"No, you didn't." He looked at me. "Seriously?"

"Uh-huh. See?" Zell kissed me again. Suddenly, we both felt the presence of another person. We broke our kiss just to lock eyes with Squall, who had just opened the door.

I started to laugh. "Hey…we're just friends now, Zell. Save it for that cutie from the library." His face turned bright red.

Squall shook his head both before taking a few steps towards us. "Well, well, well…" He said, looking his best friend over. Zell looked at the ground. "What's wrong?"

"Well…Squall…I know you're gonna kick my butt when I get better…an' I'm gonna probably be back in here…"

"No, I'm not." Zell looked up at Squall. "You took care of Rinoa for me. You went a _little _overboard, of course…but I'm not really mad."

"Really?" Zell and I said at the same time. Squall nodded.

"I-I guess I was mad…when I saw you two kiss in Balamb…_when you were fishing_…" Squall smiled. "But…whatever. I know it's not happening ever again."

"You saw that?!" Zell's eyes widened. "Not even Selphie or Quistis or Irvine saw that!"

I was shocked too. "No way…you knew where I was for THAT long? Why didn't you come back?"

"Well, I didn't think it was the right time to come back." Squall looked at the engagement ring on my chain. "_And_ I saw Zell give that to you." Zell looked like he was going to faint, and I squeezed his arm. "…I guess I was angry then, too...it hurts. A lot." He sighed. "But it was my fault anyway. I put you two together in the beginning." He laughed at himself. "I just wanted to see you two. I knew that there was no reason to be mad, because I knew that in the end, everything would be like it always was."

Zell smiled. "True, true. I learned my lesson."

"Me too." I grabbed Zell and Squall, and I hugged them both. "Oh, I am soooo happy!"

Suddenly, Ma Dincht walked into the room. "Zell! My baby!" She hadn't even seen him yet, and gave her son a huge hug.

"Maaaa!" He whined, embarrassed.

"Aw, Zell. It's only a hug from your mother!" Mrs. Dincht looked at me and grabbed me in her free arm. "I can't thank you enough."

"Why?" I looked at her, confused.

"Sweetheart, look what you did for my boy." She took me to the side, and we both gazed at Zell, who was talking to Squall. "He knows true love. Rejection. Happiness. Everything that I couldn't teach him, you _did."_ Mrs. Dincht gave me a big hug. "I can't thank you enough for showing him something I was completely unable to do." 

I blushed. "That's so sweet, Mrs. Dincht." I looked and saw Irvine, Quistis, and Selphie peeking in through the doorway. "Hey!" 

"Heyyy!" Selphie hugged me. "How are you, Rin?" She saw the ring on my chain. "OH! Wow! That's what you got that from Zell? It's so…big…wow." Quistis and Mrs. Dincht walked over, noticing the ring for the first time.

"_My_ son bought that? With his own money?" Mrs. Dincht looked at Zell, amazed. "Zell! You never told me that you and Rinoa were really serious!"

Zell blushed. "Ma, it really…wasn't. I just made a huge mistake." He grinned at me. "But we're just friends now…right?" 

"Yup." I smiled at Zell. "I hope so."

Suddenly, Irvine took my arm and grabbed my attention. "So, wasn't I right?"

"What did you say?" I thought for a minute. "Oh, yeah! That if I do what I feel is right everything will come together in the end. Actually…you were right." He smiled.

"I knew I was."

"So…" I began, "I guess _some_ of your advice works."

Irvine frowned. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing…" I giggled. I never realized how good of a friend Irvine was until I needed him most…

After Mrs. Dincht left, it was the six of us…again. Suddenly we were whole and everything was seemingly perfect. Yet, Zell and I were both uneasy…it was going to be hard to act like nothing ever happened.

"Well…" Squall said. He was leaning up against the wall, looking out the window. "This has been _awfully_ interesting, hasn't it?"

We all nodded at the same time. "It's nice to have the group back together." Quistis smiled. "I was missing these warm, fuzzy moments we always shared." She looked at Zell and I. "I like getting into the warm moments just as much as you two…" I laughed at her little joke.

"It's been…kind of a roller coaster ride. I mean…Squall…Zell and I…and Seifer, too…" I sat down on the bed, drawing my knees up to my chin.

Selphie looked confused. "But what are you two gonna do? I mean, Zell…Rinoa, you two were like…" She trailed off after she saw Squall frown at her. "I'm sorry."

"No." I looked at Selphie. "You brought up a good point." I sighed. Zell looked down at the floor. "The three of us…Squall, Zell, and I…we have to come up with something." Squall looked at me. "Or maybe we just go to how it was before any of this happened."

"That can't happen." Everyone looked at Zell. "All of _this _happened. We can't just throw it in the past and say that it's over." He looked away. "I'm not saying…that I should stay with Rinoa. Really…her an' Squall are meant for each other." I saw the compassion in his eyes when he said those words. He really, really despised saying that…but because he did, I admired him. (I never would have had the strength.) "I'm willin' to step back and let Squall….do whatever he did."

"Zell…" I began.

He shook his head. "Rinoa…gee, I'm sorry. But it's how it has to be. We were never meant for each other like you and Squall are. You two…just compliment each other so well." I looked at Zell with tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry. This was all my fault in the beginning." He turned to Squall. "You think it's your fault cause you told me to protect Rinoa. And I did. I was also the one that made the first move. An' now I regret that." Slowly, he started to walk away, almost dejected. "I just need some time to think, guys..."

No one dared to make a move. We all watched him leave the Infirmary. Squall looked forlorn. Quistis, Selphie, and Irvine were totally confused. Zell and I were the only ones that knew what had to be done. At least, that was what I thought until Squall walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Talk to him."

"What?" I shook my head. "I-I can't…"

"Then who will? The only way this is gonna be settled is if you two do it. Not Selphie. Or Quistis or Irvine. Hell, not even me." Squall closed his eyes. "Although I wish I could. But that wouldn't be fair to you, would it?"

I managed a small smile. "Yeah…I guess I'll go talk to him." Everyone kept their eyes on me as I walked out of the room. They started to talk once I left, and I leaned against the wall to listen in.

"What do you think will happen?" Quistis asked.

"I…I don't know." Squall replied. "I know Rinoa will do the right thing…but I can't help but feel guilty."

"Guilty?" Irvine exclaimed. "Why, Squall?"

"Hyne…I wish I knew. There's a small part in me, telling me to give up to Zell. But the bigger part says that what he said earlier is true. I saw them so happy…and then I suddenly pop into their lives again."

"Squall…" Selphie trailed off.

"It's not your fault, Squall." Quistis said firmly. "Zell and Rinoa were in love. Yes, that's true. And they probably still are. But each of them also know where you stand…" She sighed. "But I also know that love…especially true love, just doesn't end. It doesn't just…break off…oh, I don't know either Squall."

"Quistis…you don't _have_ to know."

"Maybe you, Zell, and Rinoa should talk." Irvine suggested.

"No….right now….this is in Rinoa's and Zell's hands. Really, it's what they want to do. But it would hurt me too much to lose Rinoa. I also know it's hurting Zell to lose her too…" Squall laughed. "Hyne, Zell's probably hurting a lot more…"

I shut my eyes tight. _This is in Rinoa's and Zell's hands…_ Oh, that made me sick. I didn't want the responsibility of making or breaking a relationship with Zell _or_ Squall. It was just too much…but I decided to do what had to be done. _If I don't do it, than who will? _I took a deep breath and walked away.

First, I checked the dormitory. They were all quiet…well, at four in the morning, I was expecting it to be quiet. I ran all the way to Zell's room to check if he was inside. There was no answer. I tried the door knob, but it was locked. _Funny…he never locks his door. _

Next, I ran all the way to the cafeteria. There was Garden Security standing guard, but I asked them if I could check for Zell anyway. As I assumed, he wasn't in there, so I checked the next best place--the ballroom.

It was dead quiet until I ran in, yelling for him. I walked to the center of the floor, and there he was. Zell was lying a few feet away from me, gazing at the stars. I didn't want to disturb him, so I quietly began to back away.

"Rinoa, I see you." Zell looked up at me and motioned for me to sit down. I did, and felt him next to me…it was a soothing feeling.

"So…hi." I said softly. Stars glittered down into the skylight. "Watching the sky?" I asked, knowing he was.

"Yeah. I'm tryin to think. About us." He put his hands behind his head and leaned back. 

I looked at the floor. "I was too."

"But there's not really much to think about. We're done. No more Rinoa and Zell. All I have to do is get over it." He sighed. "But I don't think I can. Hell, I probably never will…"

"Neither can I." A 'twilight cloud' moved over the moon and made the ballroom dark. "It's all so confusing. I just want to go to the day before we fought at the Great Salt Lake. Then, I could have told everyone we weren't going and that would be it. Because…the trip was Squall's and my idea."

Zell looked up at the cloud. "We're gonna have to get over this, though. Just one day at a time…and it'll fade."

"Yeah, I hope so." I sighed.

"I'm really gonna miss you, Rin…" Zell whispered, and his voice broke slightly. He opened his mouth to say something else, but he stopped.

His blue eyes glittered like the stars in the sky. "…I feel the same way." I stood, leaving Zell lying there. "I gotta go." _I'll always love you, Zell Dincht. _Zell looked at me as I walked towards the door. Squall met me there…he was watching us. Not to make sure that I did what he told me to, but to admire the strength of two people letting go of love.

"You did it?" He asked me.

I looked back at Zell, who was now laying back on the floor, looking at those stars again. I saw the one that he was probably looking at that very moment. It was bright…shining…and suddenly, another cloud moved over it and made it disappear in the velvety black night. "Yes…I did."

FIN!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

__

A/N: ::smiles:: Thank God that's done. J All I really have to clarify is the part where Rinoa says Liberi Fatali. I know it means something with children or something, but in Italian means Free Fatal…idk. (that's AltaVista for you.)

And I'm just gonna take two more minutes of your time and just tell you the central idea if you haven't guessed it already: 

Love is a crazy game. It'll slip through your fingers at the most inopportune times and will come when you least expect it or when you don't want it. Sometimes it develops quickly, sometimes it comes over time…just treasure it while it's there.


End file.
